The Love Downstairs
by chisoxtam14
Summary: A series of drabbles and one shots, some long some short, about my favorite Downton couple, Bates and Anna. Most are based on scenes I would have like to see between them. Now some are modern! No particular order either. Enjoy! Disclaimer for all chapters: I own nothing when it comes to Downton Abbey. If I did, they'd have to rename the show Happy Fluffy Cottage Times.
1. Her smile

**Her smile.**

He had no claim on her. As much as he had tried to stop the thawing of his heart in her warming presence, the cold moon that he was could not eclipse the sun that was she. In the months since first meeting her he had felt the thaw coming but it hit him like a ton of bricks today, when he saw her smile at _him_.

The Abbey staff poured of the church and headed back to the house as was routine every Sunday. He lagged behind everyone else as usual and began speaking to her as he turned to face her. He gaped when he finally realized she was not by his side as she always was. They always walked together; it was usually the joy of his week. They would saunter back, drawing out the semiprivate time together as long as possible, not even meaning to at first. They were just so engrossed in every conversation that it happened naturally. He searched the church grounds frantically and that's when he saw it. She was talking to a young man. A young, handsome man he had to begrudgingly admit. Bates saw the man hand her back her Bible as she must have dropped it, thus giving them an opportunity to meet. The man leaned in slightly and she laughed at his words. He felt a fire burning him from the inside out. What could he be saying? Did she really find this man charming? He wanted to look away but he couldn't bring himself to. He wanted to go to her immediately and draw her away. He wanted her to smile at him (only him) and excuse herself from this new man's company so that they would not break their weekly tradition. He wanted her by his side. He wanted her by his side for the rest of his life.

By god! They were talking as if they were old friends! Would this torture never end! He cleared his throat loudly and shook his head trying to shake the envy away. He had no claim on her he reminded himself. At present her friendship was all he could he could hope for. He was trapped and she deserved better than him anyways. He only wanted her happiness so maybe this chap was it… but it couldn't be. He couldn't make himself believe it.

He had begun to suspect her feelings for him in the last few weeks and just the thought made him feel human again and not the automaton he had been living as for years before. He pulled his gaze from the ground just in time to see them shake hands and say their goodbyes. He wondered if this man had asked if he could call on her, if she might consider stepping out with him. Without meaning to he caught her gaze and his heart simultaneously swelled and ached. He couldn't help the frown on his face as he turned and began to walk away defeated.

He heard light and quick steps coming up fast behind him. "Mr. Bates!" she called lightly as she caught up to him. "Why didn't you wait for me, you silly chump? You weren't trying to steal away my favorite part of the week were you?" She smacked him playfully on the arm.

He stopped abruptly at this and turned to face her with a look that was a mix of desperation, resignation and, well…love. She couldn't read his muddled face and for just a moment stared at him with a quizzical look. Then a smile broke out on her face, brighter than any smile she had given the man in the church yard. The penny dropped. He thought back to all the smiles he had seen on her face, as he had memorized them all. The smile he saw now, the one directed at him was unlike any he had ever seen her give to anyone else. This was the face of love and hope. And it was only, and would ever only be, for him


	2. A symbol

**Part I:**

She didn't think she'd ever get used to the feeling of the simple band of gold that now took up residence on her left hand. Nor did she want to. She savored the feeling of it as she found herself unable to stop twisting it, feeling the smoothness of it. It was as if she was reminding herself of all that had just transpired in the Ripon registrar's office, not twenty minutes ago. That this time her dream had come true, it was all very real. They had exchanged the vows she had rehearsed numerous times in her head, long before this dream was ever given any substance in real life. She was Mrs. John Bates. It was all she had wanted for the last seven years, her whole life really, if she was being honest with herself. The road that had led her to Downton and the path that had led him there as well had been, in fact, the same road all along. And if by chance they had gotten sidetracked or took a wrong turn and Downton was not their mutual destination, she had no doubt they would have still found a way to each other. For this was a route planned long before by some greater power, just as she knew she was meant for this man and this man only. As he was for her.

She sighed in contentment. Propriety be damned she couldn't keep her gloves on as they rode the bus back to Downton. She had too much pride and excitement in the sight of it to cover it. As a servant jewelry was not a luxury she had an opportunity often to enjoy. Nor was she the type of woman to swoon over such things as she knew other women were. She was much too practical. Besides out of all the jewels in all the world this simple gold band was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Far more beautiful than anything she had ever laid out for Lady Mary. The beauty of this ring was held in all the things it represented. This band was a symbol of seven years of yearning, patience, heartbreak, stolen moments, tears and smiles. A symbol of the immense love she had for her new husband. And like the shape of the ring, no beginning, and certainly no end, her love for this man was infinite.

**Part II:**

They knew they had to get back to the house and back to work, but they drew the walk out. Slowly, sauntering back, her hand in the crook of his arm. They whispered the sweet nothings of love to each other and exchanged flirtatious compliments and suggestions. They shared knowing smiles and she just knew they were both walking a bit straighter and prouder during this first walk as husband and wife.

As they entered the great stone gates of the Abbey, she paused and sighed audibly. He stopped at the sound and turned to her, his face filling with concern as he looked upon her frown. She knew she was being foolish and silly, pouting like a spoiled child, but she couldn't help it. She was sorry about Miss Swire, truly she was. But for as much as they had discussed keeping their marriage a secret until days after the funeral she hadn't realized how hard it would be. She looked down at her hands, her right hand refusing to stop twisting and turning the band. "I..I don't want to take my ring off. I've waited so long for this, to be your wife for good and proper. And now we have to hide it just like we've been doing for the last seven years. Seven years, John!"

The suddenness of actually addressing him by his first name took her by surprise and silenced her for a moment. She felt almost embarrassed by it, like it was improper. She saw a faint smile graze his lips at the sound it coming off her lips. He looked around and pulled her away from the open gate and along the stone wall. She let herself be led and gathered into his arms. She grasped at his shoulders desperately, needing to feel him as if he would disappear and she would awaken alone at any moment. He shushed her and pulled her away slightly so he could look her in the eye. His heart melted when he saw the ache and desperation in her eyes. She turned away and looked down at her hand, touched the ring then covered it with her right hand protectively. He reached for her hand and slowly brought it up to his lips. "Listen to me Anna." His voice was soft but stern and she no longer averted his gaze. "Only two things are going to remain the same from now into forever; my overwhelming love and gratitude for you, and this..." he held her left hand up before her eyes. "This ring that you will wear for the rest of our lives as a symbol of that undying love." He placed another gentle kiss on her banded finger. "We are forever changed now for the better for having pledged our lives to each other today. I know it was far too long coming. And you have to know how hard it is for me to not run through the front doors of the Abbey with you in my arms and telling the world that the grandest woman to walk the earth just made me the happiest man alive. Lord knows it's how I feel at this moment." They shared a quiet laugh at the image. "I think Mr. Carson would be far more shocked to see we had used the front door than finding out we're married, Mr. Bates." she quipped. As they laughed he brought her back against his chest and she rested her head to hear his heart.

After a moment he spoke, again with seriousness in his voice. "When we enter the servants hall today we will know the truth. And that, my love, is all that matters. Everyone else will come to know our joy in due time, but..." his eyes darkened and a mischievous glint entered them. "Can't you picture what a delicious secret this could be for us Mrs. Bates?" She considered for a moment and he saw she was trying (poorly) to stop the smile creeping onto her face that would tell him he was right.

She let her thoughts drift to the freedoms being married now offered them and thought, 'yes this can be a naughty secret for a while indeed.' She slid her hand up his shoulder and behind his neck bringing him to her in a passionate kiss. They lingered in the moment, tasting each other. As they pulled apart, she caught his eye and solemnly nodded her head. It was time to go in and act as if it was any ordinary Friday. He slid his hand down her arm, she shivered at the contact. He took her hand and began to slide the band off. She had to look away as he did, but she felt his strength and her love. He didn't disappear with the absence of the ring on her finger. The knowledge of the momentous day didn't leave her mind. And her love certainly didn't diminish. He kissed her then softly, lovingly and all too quickly. He placed the ring in her palm and placed it over his heart. They gazed into each other's eyes for a long moment before turning and walking in emotional silence up to the great house. They paused once more at the back door, without speaking they gave each other the encouragement they each needed to face the charade that awaited them. As she took in his features, she felt her heart warm over and a bright smile crossed her lips. 'My husband,' she thought. She didn't need the world to know, well for now at least. Countless dreams had come true this afternoon. That was a fact, a glorious reality. "My husband," she thought again, though this time out loud. The truth in the word was more than enough.

**Part III:**

It was the morning after the most glorious night of her life. She had married him after seven years of fighting for their love. Finally, it had all come to fruition as it was meant to be in the most exhilarating ways possible when they had joined their bodies in matrimony last night. She had thought about it but given their circumstances she had sullenly resigned herself to waiting weeks for a home of their own. She could never express enough gratitude for the amazing gift Lady Mary had bestowed upon them. She was quite sure the smile was never going to leave her face.

Because she couldn't wear her wedding band in its rightful place, for the time being she had placed it on a small and simple chain her mother had given her when she left for service. The chain was so slight and the high neck of her uniform ensured that the jewelry servants were absolutely not to wear while working would go unnoticed. It was a risk she was more than glad to take as she couldn't bear the thought of being truly separated from the ring. It meant too much and she had fought too hard to not keep it with her wherever she went. As she leaned over the bed she was making she could feel the cool gold slide across her chest. She shivered at the sensation as it brought on brilliant memories of her husband's strong hands ghosting the same territory last night. She stopped her task for a moment to place a hand on her breast and catch her breath. She giggled to herself before shaking her head, 'back to work Anna!'

All the preparations for Miss Swire's funeral were proving to be a welcomed distraction for the newlyweds and no one suspected the truth. A small victory as she thought for sure it was written all over her face that she was now privy to knowledge of a married woman. Monday and it was time to lay Miss Swire to rest. Little did they know their time together was running just as short. Seven years of waiting for their lives to be joined together only to have them be ripped apart in three days time. She meant every word of the vows she repeated to him before kissing him with all the presence she could muster. She meant them even more at that moment than she had the Friday before.

The stares and whispers came as soon as the back door had shut and she had lost sight of him. She wanted to run after him screaming, but she couldn't make herself move. Mrs. Hughes had gathered her and ushered her into her sitting room and the tears she was fighting broke loose. Few words were spoken as Mrs. Hughes was at a loss and she was in shock. Eventually, Lord Grantham and Lady Mary had come in as well. Questions were flung with no answers to catch them. She felt as if she would suffocate in the small room now filled with so many people. She excused herself and made her way to her room where she managed to cry herself into a restless sleep. She awoke exhausted the next morning, but forced herself to get ready for work. She wanted to throw herself into the day so as not to dwell. There was nothing to be done anyways until Mr. Murray rang with news. The work would make the hours until then go by all the faster. She headed towards the servants hall to try to manage at least a cup of tea when she heard the talk. O'Brien, of course, and Thomas. But others were joining in now as well and she felt her blood boil. They were speaking harshly of him attempting to give substance to the completely ludicrous accusations that faced him. They had no right. He was innocent! Then she heard her name being tied to phrases like "lucky to be away from him," and "maybe she'll come to her senses." She stormed into the dining hall and silence took over as all eyes fell on her. As she stood in front of everyone she ripped the chain from her neck not caring at all that it had broken. She held it out so that all could see the gold band that hung from it. She took a deep breath as a steadfast calm took over her. "My husband is innocent." She slid the ring off the chain and onto her trembling finger as she glared at everyone in the room driving home the point that she took great pride in the article she now wore. To her it was a badge of honor and she wanted everyone to know it. She meant every word of her vows now more than ever. And although she had thought the time of fighting was over, she knew one more battle wouldn't be enough to break them. Every time she glanced at her ring she was reminded of all they had already overcome and all the love that had pulled them through. It was now a symbol of the courage and strength she would need to start the next fight. It was just one more in their bumpy road, and because of this ring she had no doubt they'd come through.


	3. For the best

**For the best.**

He longed for the sight of her. Just any bit of contact. But she couldn't bear to be in the same room as him. He attempted to greet her, she murmured under her breath, turned on her heel and left. This went on for days or an eternity as it had felt to him. He wasn't sure there was a difference as time had no meaning without her, nothing did.

Finally, he was defeated. Several attempts at contact, at reconciliation, had gone rebuffed and he had gotten the message. Had it been gradual, the loss of his beloved wife's affections, he could have borne it. It was his worst fear that Anna would regret giving her life to him, but it was something he could understand. He was too many things unworthy of her: too old, crippled, not handsome, and far too much baggage. Too many times had caused the blue oceans of her eyes to break into tears. Failed to protect her too many times. Failed to turn her into the mother she was meant to be...he understood completely. But this sudden break, one day love the next day nothing, he couldn't comprehend and he broke. For all he had been through in his life, this is what broken felt like.

Although, he now felt like he had stolen too many of her youthful years she was still relatively young and still (always) exceptionally beautiful. She could still have a life that would make her happy as it was now obvious their life together did not. He would no longer hold her back. If she couldn't bear the sight of him he would not be seen. He couldn't leave Downton immediately, he wouldn't do that to Lord Grantham again but he'd make plans as quickly as possible. And he would make himself invisible to her.

He cringed as they ran into each other in the hallway outside the servant's hall only moments after deciding to free her. They made eye contact and each froze on the spot not knowing what to say. He wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms, kiss her and remind her of how much he loved her. To tell her he loved her so much that this would be the last time he would hold her, that he was letting her go. He was giving her a second chance at a life she obviously wanted, a life free of him. Finally and unexpectedly she spoke, "We'd better get on. We'll miss breakfast if we're not careful." He sighed and hung his head in resignation. "You go. I can't…I…I'm not hungry," his voice barely a whisper as he brushed past her. He relished the feeling of her arm brushing his as he walked away, savoring it. Knowing it would be the last he ever felt of her.

She had spat harsh words to him again yesterday and just the thought of the sharp barbs cut her heart and burned the throat that had uttered them. She never knew she could be such a liar, it scared and sickened her. She slowly entered the servant's hall for breakfast preparing herself to see him. She held her breath and gasped when her eyes couldn't find him. He wasn't here. He was always here. She sat in silence. Twice she tried to ask Mrs. Hughes if he had been in early for breakfast, if she had seen him. But she couldn't bring herself to speak his name. What right had she to his whereabouts?

"It's a relief really," she forced the thought. Then she nearly let an incredulous laugh escape her lips. Why not lie to herself now if she was lying to him? She looked at her breakfast and felt her stomach turn. She excused herself and set upstairs to bury herself in work. Tea time came and again he was absent. She felt cold. Where was he? Had he eaten? Worries piled on her brain. She found herself looking down every corridor for him. Her eyes darted at every noise to see if it was him, to catch a glimpse to ease her mind. Her ears strained over the din of the servants hall to hear the click of his cane. Silence. Two days passed with no sign of him. He had to have been in the house. She would have heard if he'd been shirking his duties or staying back at the cottage ill and not coming to work. He was hiding from her.

She was so confused. She had been avoiding him for weeks so why was his sudden absence driving her mad? This is what she wanted after all. No, not wanted. It's what she had to do, to save him. She wouldn't risk his future so she was giving up hers. He deserved better than her now. But as much as she had become accustom to lying in recent weeks she couldn't convince herself that she didn't need him; that this divide was best.

She realized now that she had drawn seconds of comfort in the very few moments they had occupied the same space since the night that had stolen her life. She may have avoided him since, but knowing he was near, catching those glimpses, they got her through. Now that was stolen too. He'd do anything for her, she knew that. And now he was giving her exactly what he thought she wanted; his absence. Her heart broke all over again. She only had herself to blame for the cold she had caused. She would never feel warm again, not without him.

It was the most twisted version of "Gift of the Magi." They were sacrificing their love instead of prized possessions. Each thinking they were saving the other from heartbreak, when in reality all they were doing was condemning themselves to it. But as they both thought; it must be for the best.


	4. We can't have that

**Well, we can't have that.**

"I just ran into Papa and you'll never believe what's happened!" Edith, the middle Crawley daughter exclaimed as she burst into her older sister's bedroom. "Bates is leaving Downton…again!"

"What!?" Mary exclaimed at the shocking news. "What about Anna? She hasn't said a word about leaving! She's barely spoken five words these last few weeks and none have been about leaving! What am I to do with her gone?!"

Edith rolled her eyes. "Come to think of it Papa didn't mention a thing about Anna leaving as well…oh god Mary, do you think their marriage is over? Is that why Anna's back living here in the house and now poor Bates is leaving from a broken heart?"

Anna stopped short in the hallway just outside the door to Lady Mary's bedroom. "Bates leaving from a broken heart." The words sliced into her consciousness with all the force of a skilled circus knife thrower. The visions overtook her so boldly they washed out all her surroundings. All she could see was him leaving her; him seated next to Vera as the wagon pulled away. Him being torn from her side in handcuffs with the taste of his lips still on hers. Him being dragged from the courtroom as the judge said the words she still heard in her nightmares, "to be hanged by the neck until you are dead." She managed his name before she the darkness took her and she fainted away.

"Anna. Anna can you hear me?" Mrs. Hughes was begging the lady's maid to awake. "Oh please dear girl, please open your eyes!"

Slowly Anna came around. Groggily she looked around her surroundings and tried to force some comprehension into her brain. _'Why is Mrs. Hughes at the cottage? More so why is Mrs. Hughes in our bedroom? Why does our bedroom look so strange?'_ Anna's head was pounding.

"Where am I? This isn't the cottage. Am I late for work? I'm so sorry!" Anna exclaimed as she attempted to rise. "Where's John?! Why didn't he wake me for work!?" Mrs. Hughes was shushing the poor thing and trying to soothe her back into the bed but Anna couldn't hear it and barely noticed the force the housekeeper was applying to her shoulders to keep her from rising. Lady Mary and Lady Edith were standing back watching with looks of concern that went unnoticed.

She began to calm and sunk back into the bed. Clarity was coming and she felt sick. She wasn't in the cottage. That's right, that was no longer her home. She was in her room in the big house. A room she shared with no one. Least of all her husband.

"John!...Mr. Bates! Oh god no…" Panic struck her and she fought against the housekeepers efforts and pushed up from the bed in a fury. "I heard Lady Edith telling Lady Mary he was leaving Downton! He can't. Please, he can't leave me. Please, don't leave me! I have to stop him! Let me go! I need to find him!"

"Anna, calm down! You're not going anywhere in this condition! You wouldn't make it ten steps without falling down the stairs!" This time Anna yielded to the Scottish bellow. She felt dizzy and if she kept on she was going to faint again. She laid back down and attempted to swallow to help her gain some composure before she spoke but her mouth might as well have been filled with sawdust.

She swallowed again and this time was able to manage quietly; "Mrs. Hughes, please stop him. Please!" Anna was pleading as if her life depended on it. And she wasn't at all sure it didn't.

"We might still catch him. He couldn't have spoken to Papa more than a half an hour ago. He's probably at the cottage packing… We could send one of the footmen to fetch him and tell him you're ill, Anna." Lady Edith spoke up.

"No." Anna said firmly. "No. it has to be you Mrs. Hughes and you alone." The lady's maid looked the housekeeper straight in the eye with a dead calm. The look told Mrs. Hughes exactly what she needed to know and she nodded slightly in acknowledgement of the permission Anna had just granted her.

"Of course. I'll go at once. I hope you ladies won't mind keeping an eye on her. I'll hurry back as fast as I can."

"I won't leave her." Said Lady Mary while Lady Edith nodded in agreement. Mrs. Hughes gave Anna a quick squeeze on the shoulder then hurried out of the room to, Lord willing, find Mr. Bates. She had some long overdue honesty to deliver. The last thing she heard was the now-all-too-familiar sound of Anna's sobs as she descended the immense staircase.

Mrs. Hughes made it down to the cottage as fast as she could. She thought her lungs were going to explode by the time she reached them. She pounded on the Bates' door praying she wasn't too late. She was met by silence. She pounded again and prayed again. Finally, John Bates opened the door. His gait was so downtrodden Mrs. Hughes nearly didn't recognize him. "Mrs. Hughes? What are you doing here? It's it Anna? Is she ok?!"

"No. No she is not. Let me in Mr. Bates. I've got a lot to tell you…"

Bates didn't need to hear much before putting it all into place and cursing himself for being a damned blind fool to the whole thing. He hadn't really known that different types of heartbreak existed, but he did now. His heart broke for his precious wife in ways he never imagined. He grabbed his coat and cane and made haste for the door with Mrs. Hughes in his wake. But as he reached the handle his hand recoiled. He stopped and hung his head. "She didn't tell me Mrs. Hughes. She felt she couldn't confide in me. Why would she think that? What if…what if she doesn't need me? What if I can't be enough for her now?"

Mrs. Hughes' heart wrenched but she couldn't help to smile a bit at the reverence this man had for his wife. "Mr. Bates, Anna has needed you since you first came to Downton. That much has been obvious. And even more so, now more than ever before, she will need you for the rest of her life. You don't need to be anything; you just need to be with her." John reached for the hand of housekeeper and she gave a quick squeeze of reassurance. "Now quit dawdling she's been asking for you!"

Renewed he flung the door open with such vigor the hinges struggle to stay in place. Up the long lane, through the courtyard, into the servants hall and finally he faced the daunting stairs. He gulped at the air before taking the climb, dread over taking him at every step. Numerous doubts full of self-loathing with every footfall. But he shook them away. _'She's been asking for me. She thought I was leaving and she was pleading for my return. She needs me. She loves me. Thank god, she still loves me.'_ He finally came to the summit. He saw the crowd outside of her room and they parted like the Red Sea at his approach.

Anna heard the click of the cane and bolted upright in the bed. Finally he was standing in the doorway. There had to have been at least five other people loitering but they only saw each other. He smiled and a tear was shed with more to follow when he saw her smile. A genuine smile, one she held in reserves just for him. It wasn't as bright or as big as the ones before but he recognized it all the same. He went to her bedside and the others scattered.

"They said you were leaving. I thought I'd lost you all over again." Tears accompanied her words. He reached up to brush her cheek slowly waiting to see if she'd let him. They both sighed as she leaned her face into his palm. "Please don't leave. Not again. Not ever. I know it doesn't make sense with how I've been acting but I couldn't bear it."

"I thought it's what you wanted. You know I'd give you anything no matter the cost to my own happiness. I thought you didn't love me anymore. I thought my leaving would make you happy. If you had told me…"

They talked long into the night. With everything, well, nearly everything, out on the table they could finally begin to mend. It became clear to them that if they were to heal they had to do it together, one stich at a time. He was the needle and she was the thread. Useless apart, but together they could take torn scraps and turn them into a warm comforting blanket.

She wanted nothing more than to come home to the cottage. It may have been nearing the summer months but alone in her old room she could never shake the chill that was his absence. She needed his comfort beside her and to sleep in the safety of their home.

"Will you let me? I don't think I could stand to be alone in this big house for one more night, not without you. I'm afraid I'll go mad…" she said sullenly, pulling on his lapel in a silent plea. He couldn't help the smallest chuckle that escaped him, shaking the broad chest she was resting on. He wrapped his arms tighter around her and kissed her hair as he breathed, "well, we can't have that."


	5. Foreign concept

**Foreign concept.**

It was a totally foreign concept to him; this notion of romantic love. It was something he had never experienced. He didn't know what being in love actually felt like, but he knew what he'd had with Vera wasn't it. It had been many things; greed, lust, youthful stupidity all mixed with copious amounts of alcohol, but it was not love. That much he knew. He didn't mourn the lack of this type of love. He just assumed it was not in the cards for him. He was happy enough for those that had it. But he didn't ever think on it for himself. A solitary life suited him and he was quite happy with it. Even after he had come to Downton and first looked into the blue oceans of her eyes he didn't think of it. He would not. He could not. Love was not for him.

Then she had brought him a simple tray of food. He must not think of it. He swam in the oceans of her eyes in those few moments. And for a second, he thought maybe he would? Lord Grantham had saved his job the next morning, but when he saw her face light up at the sight of his return she saved his solitary life. Maybe he could?

He had been a damned fool. He laughed to himself and his wife turned and looked at him questioning the outburst. She asked what was so funny. He pulled her into his lap and held her close as his body continued to shake with laughter. He kissed her head as she nuzzled his neck and whispered into her hair. He told her that he was merely laughing at himself. That she was everything he had never known he was even looking for. Most of all, she as a person, and all that she offered him, was totally foreign to him. And thank god he had always been intrigued by foreign ways.


	6. In these walls

**In these walls.**

The excitement of finally getting a cottage of their own diminished a bit as they entered the run down home. It was horribly dirty. Every wall needed to be painted and just from the few steps she'd taken inside she could number at least five repairs to be done. She glanced up at her husband whose discouraged frown told her he was thinking the same as she.

She squeezed his arm before making her way into the sitting room and set about picking up the odd bits left over from the previous tenant and formulating a plan of just where to begin. He complimented her optimism just to follow that up with another about her beauty. She just shook her head and smiled at him. He came up on her suddenly tearing the cloth she was folding out of her hands as he flung it to the side. "Come here," he growled in the low deep rumble that lit the fire deep inside her. As the kiss deepened they crashed down onto the already battered settee which proceeded to give under their sudden weight. She burst out laughing and couldn't seem to stop. Her laugh was infectious and he joined in.

Suddenly, she stopped laughing. It occurred to her that this was their home now. That moments like this could happen now whenever they wanted them to. That, in these walls, they were free to be together as they wanted and not restricted by the "proper" rules of the big house. She could still taste him on her lips. She stood abruptly and grabbed his hand. No matter how dirty it might be, she couldn't wait another moment to see their bedroom.


	7. Somber vows

**Somber vows**

He was apprehensive about attending the somber event. A wedding should be joyous but he knew that this one was not going to be. There would be no happily ever after for this couple, as much as they might have deserved it. But he would go and show his support for the couple and for her.

He liked the sweet hearted Daisy and found William to be a most admirable and very brave lad. His generally stony heart actually ached for them, which surprised him a bit until he remembered why he was able to feel such things again.

Of course his heart had been softened more than he had ever believed possible over the last few years. How could it not be under her loving gazes? And it was for her that he would attend this wedding. It would be hard on her for many reasons, himself and their present circumstances being some of them, but not all. She had a bleeding heart, his Anna, and the inevitable future of young (too young) William's passing was causing her heart to hemorrhage even more.

And he would be there for her, as he always wanted to be for the rest of his life. As he needed to be for his own soul to thrive.

And that thought was exactly why he was scared to attend. He was going because he didn't want to have to explain his apprehensions over witnessing such an event to her. How could he? How could he explain to her that he didn't want to go because he was so completely frightened that this wedding was prophetic of what their marriage could be; newlyweds doomed to be separated by death before they even had a chance to know what marriage was.

He already knew trouble was brewing over Vera's death. It couldn't be as easy as it seemed. She was dead and he was finally free to make Anna his wife and really start his life for the first time. But this was John Bates' life, it was anything but simple and easy. He felt dark days waited.

They made their way to the ceremony in silence. He stood behind her, close. As Travis did his part, he felt a hand lightly brush his arm. She was searching for his hand. And he took hers gently and gladly. She held it so tight. He squeezed in response. Would he be able to deny her his name when the time came? Simple answer to a very complicated life. He wouldn't be able to deny her the moon if she asked for it. He'd find a way. And so he'd give her his name, a gold band, and vows of love until his dying breath. Simple things but so much greater than the heavens and all they contained. And she deserved it all and more.


	8. Warmth

**Warmth**

She knew sleep would elude her tonight, just as it had on so many other occasions. But tonight was different. She changed into her night clothes as there was nothing else to do. She sighed and sat on the edge of her bed. She struggled with all that she was feeling. Anxious, excited and scared. Although she wasn't sure why she felt fear, well she knew why but she wouldn't think on those fears. At a time like this they weren't worthy of her attention.

She tried to sort out her jumbled emotions as a way to subdue them. It wasn't working. Instead she took a deep breath and brought memories to the forefront of her brain forcing all the scatteredness she felt back. She focused on the memories of his arms; strong and so warm around her. She brushed her own hands up and down her arms in effort to feel him. Her eyes held tightly closed as tears filled them. Tonight the memories would keep her warm. And then she smiled. A warmth she hadn't felt in so many many months washed over her and she felt her self breathe stronger than she had in last year and a half.

This would be the last night she needed to rely on her memories of his warmth. Tomorrow at dawn his arms around her would be a reality. Tomorrow her husband was coming home to her. And all new memories of warmth and love would be made every day, she would see to that.


	9. Anniversary

**An anniversary.**

She was practically skipping as she made her way down the road to the cottage. Lady Mary and Mr. Crawley were having dinner at an acquaintance's giving her a rare free evening until they returned home. What a heavenly coincidence that it occurred on this day of all days. She had found him on her way out and told him to come to the cottage for dinner instead of dining in the servant's hall. He saw nothing unusual in this and although his face told her that he had caught her mischievous gleam he made no question of it.

She hurried about the house making sure all the dinner preparations were perfect. Thank god for the help and provisions provided by Mrs. Patmore. The table was set with candles rather than lamps providing a romantic light. She then went upstairs to see to her own appearance. She changed out of her maid uniform and put on her best dress. She took her hair out of its tight working bun and tied it back up in a looser style that she knew drove him crazy. The day they had spent painting the cottage he had made several comments about the more relaxed style of her hair, finding his way over to her more than once to tuck the loose locks behind her ear. She had savored the brush of his hand against her face. Just thinking of it now, all this time later, still sent delicious shivers through her stomach and lower. She closed her eyes while remembering all the enjoyment they had each gotten out of trying to rid each other's bodies of the white paint. A smile slid onto her face as her body blushed. Her smile widened when she saw how pink her cheeks had gotten. She let her mind linger on the pleasure of the memory for just a moment more before getting back to the tasks at hand. He'd be coming home any moment.

She went to the wardrobe and reached for her simple valise she used for travel. She pulled a small box out of it and opened it. Inside was a new pocket watch. He'd fret over the expense she knew, but she was hoping that the inscription would be enough to distract him. The jeweler had put 'j B a' on the front. She traced her finger over their monogram. Sometimes it still seemed like a dream to her that she now bore his name; while at the same time she felt she could barely remember being just Anna May Smith. Her life began when she became Anna May Bates. Aside from leading her to him, she felt her life prior to meeting him, insignificant in comparison to now. She pressed the small clasp on the outside causing the gold door of the watch to spring open. On the inside she had jeweler inscribe three dates; 21 April 1919, 14 October 1920 and March 1922. The jeweler questioned the lack of a day for the third date, but she simply placed a hand on her stomach and said; "only god is privy to that. "

A swarm of butterflies took flight in her as her hand drifted back to her stomach. "Maybe it's not butterflies I'm feeling at all dear one. Maybe that's you in there. Are you as excited to announce your presence to your da as much as I am?" A soft contented sigh escaped her lips as she placed the watch back in the box and headed downstairs. She placed the box on the table and attempted to relax while waiting for her husband's arrival but she couldn't contain herself and flitted about the house straightening things that didn't need it and cleaning up the already clean. Finally, she heard him open the door and her breath caught in her throat. She couldn't help herself and she ran to greet him. She practically leapt into his arms and he laughed as he swept her up in them. She kissed him fiercely as he set her down and she could taste his smile.

"Well, then Mrs. Bates what has brought all this on?" he asked breathlessly, "not that I really care mind you…" "Come take off your coat and all will be explained." She said as she helped him out of the article and placed it on the hook. His warm hand enveloped hers as she led him to the sitting room where he was met with delicious smells and the soft glow of candles. "Happy anniversary!" She exclaimed she motioned for him to take a seat at the table. "Anna, what on earth do you mean? Silly, girl it's October. Our anniversary is in April. Isn't it the wife's job to remember that sort of thing?" he chided her. "I have not lost my wits, husband. I am well aware that we exchanged our vows in April. It was the first day of Spring, as a matter of fact. But I'm talking about our other anniversary." His confused gaze begged for explanation so she continued. "Yes, our wedding anniversary is in April, but as you might recall we weren't given much of a chance to start our life together." The smile left his face and he began to hang his head as he opened his mouth to utter yet another pointless apology for the wrongs he had nothing to do with. Not wanting to hear it, not needing to, she quickly took residence on his lap and brought his face up to meet hers with her soft hands. She continued when he met her gaze. "You came home to me on this day in October of last year. That was when our lives truly began. And this last year has been all the more precious because of its delay. So happy anniversary husband! I love you." She kissed him at this and felt his arms tighten around her waist. "I love you too, so much." He whispered against her lips before placing his softly on her neck. She enjoyed his affections for a few moments but stopped before allowing herself to get too swept up. As much as she wanted to drag him upstairs at that moment to continue, and encourage, this behavior she couldn't wait to give him his gift.

She pushed herself up off his lap while quickly kissing the disappointed frown that had formed on his lips. "There will most certainly be plenty of time for that love. Don't worry. But now you must open your present." She placed the small box on the table in front of him. He picked it up but didn't open it. "Anna, your words and this most loving welcome home tonight is all the gift I'll ever need. You didn't have to…" "Shush you. I know I didn't, but I wanted to spoil my husband just this once. You spoil me often…" she said with a knowing wink. "Come on, you silly beggar! Open it!" He couldn't help but to laugh at her persistence and her excitement over this small box was infectious. He opened it and audibly gasped at the beautiful new pocket watch. She gleamed as she saw his smile reach his eyes. "Do not even think of making a comment on the cost Mr. Bates or you'll find yourself sleeping on the settee tonight." He gave her a knowing look that admitted she had completely read his thoughts, not a surprise to either of them. His large fingers traced their initials on the front, just as hers had only moments ago, the mirrored action not going unnoticed by her. "I'll never get tired of seeing our names tied together like this," he said softly. "Open it." She said. He did so and her breath caught as she waited for him to register the third date. "March 1922..." she could tell he was pondering. Not even to her, more to himself, he repeated the date, "March 1922. But that's next year. What's to come in March…" he trailed off. He turned to her wide eyed but he couldn't bring himself to say this dream out loud. Could it really be? "Anna, why does March of next year hold such significance to us?" She took his hand and spoke matter-of-factly. "It's significant, John, because March is when our son or daughter will be joining the world." His mouth fell agape and he couldn't find the words to speak. Instead he somewhat slumped to the floor on his knees besides her. His right must have protested the action but he was so overwhelmed with joy and pride that it didn't register in the slightest. He slid his arms around her waist as the tears slid down his cheeks. "Oh Anna…" it was all he could manage as he placed his head on her stomach as if trying to hear their unborn child. She ran her hands lovingly over his back and through his hair rumpling it just the way she liked it. She pulled his head up to face her. She was taken aback by the look that she was greeted with, it was so many emotions she couldn't register them all. But she knew she saw love within every one. "I'm so happy John. I'm so happy that you're so happy about it." "Happy doesn't even begin to explain it, love. I don't think there's a word for all that I'm feeling now. I love you so much. And thank you for the most wonderful day of my life. I will never forget the significance of this day. Not for as long as I shall live. Thank you for giving me life. And for this…" he placed a light kiss on her still flat stomach and nuzzled it for a second before rising. He pulled her up from her seat pulling her body flush with his. They held each other in contented silence, each taking in the emotions they were feeling. Without speaking she reluctantly broke the embrace and hurried to the kitchen to take dinner out of the oven. It looked delicious but she had other delights on her mind. She hurried back to him to see him staring at her in dumbfounded joy. She took his hand and led him to the stairs. He looked back towards the kitchen, "shouldn't we eat? It looks like you've put in a lot of effort…" his legs betrayed his words as he made no effort to stop her from leading him to the stairway.

As they held each other in a state of sheer bliss sometime later they didn't need to speak to know what the other was thinking. Out of the many, many still to come, this would be the most memorable anniversary of their lives.


	10. The unspoken

She had borrowed a Kipling novel from him that she had seen him reading a few weeks ago. The request to borrow the novel was nothing unusual. Their common love for the written word had been a strong bonding point between them since he had first arrived nearly a year ago. What made this time unusual is what she found tucked between the pages of the book as she settled into bed for the night. It was small sketching. It was soft and delicate, it was beautiful. It stole her breath away. It was of her. It wasn't as if she was staring in the mirror but she knew it was herself all the same. She gasped at she took in what this scrap of paper meant. He had taken the time to draw her likeness. Her hair was down in a loose braid just as it had been the night of the fair when she had been ill and had to stay behind. The wonderful night when he had brought her a tray and flowers and given her that smile which confirmed all that she had been dreaming of.

She wondered if he had drawn it that night. If that night had meant as much to him as it had to her? She ever so gently traced her fingertip along the drawing, as if she was afraid the paper would crumble in her hands. She thought about him sitting at his desk alone in his room thinking about her as he drew this. An thrilling chill ran through her entire body. She had occupied his mind enough that he not only thought of her when they were apart but he pictured her. He imagined her. She wondered if he laid in bed at night and conjured up all the same scenarios she did; the chaste and the not-so chaste. Her heart was pounding, her faced flushed and she was sure the dumbstruck look on her face would never leave. This was what love felt like, she was sure now. It had to be. The incredible and simultaneously swelling and melting of her heart was too glorious a feeling to be anything but.

When she saw him the next day at breakfast it took all her strength not to throw her arms around him. She knew he was reserved and stoic with this emotions but what she had discovered was a declaration of love, she was sure of it. She sat next to him and immediately realized he was avoiding her gaze. He was quiet but short in his greeting to her. Not unkind, but not the tone he reserved for her. Her heart sank while her head swam in confusion. He hadn't wanted her to see the drawing, she realized. He was embarrassed. But why? It was a most beautiful thing.

He excused himself and she noted that he went for the courtyard. After a few moments, to avoid suspicions, she excused herself and did the same. She found him in a far corner, nearly hidden, leaning against a stack of crates. He looked at her with reproachful eyes then turned away. They just stood there in silence. She was standing so close to him she could smell his fresh shave from the morning and she was racked with the urge to take his face in her hands. They were alone and it would be so easy to show him how much her discovery meant to her. She dared another half step closer and placed her hand lightly on his arm that was crossed against his broad chest. She began to lean up and in. He spoke then stopping her motion. "Anna, I know what I left in that book. It was an accident. I never meant for you to see it. I had no right to…" The sound of the back door slamming stopped his thought. She couldn't help but to smile at this broad strong man acting as bashful as a lad of five. She quickly stood on her tiptoes and leaned in to whisper in his ear. Her cheek touched his as she spoke; "hush…it's beautiful. It means everything to me and I'm keeping it." Her voiced inflected mischief and cheek with these last words and she saw a smile take over his features. She kissed his cheek, lingering for moment before turning on her heel and heading into the house.

A week later she had returned his Kipling and had asked to borrow a Dickens. He obliged and this time when she opened it she found three pressed violets in the pages, her favorite. While small and seemingly insignificant, these tokens expressed their love better than any author in these novels could. And she couldn't wait to turn the next chapter.


	11. A bad day

**A bad day.**

It had not been a good day. She and Gwen had both managed to sleep through Daisy's wake up call, causing her to miss her much needed morning cup of tea. In her rush down the stairs she had lost her footing and lightly twisted her ankle, cursing under her breath as she did so. After making it into the library she dropped the bucket of supplies square on her non-injured foot. As the day went on mishap after mishap seemed to befall her. She caught the needle she was using to mend a garment of Lady Mary's square in the thumb causing her to bleed. She had lost hold of some clean linens near the laundry which, of course, landed in the small puddle of water on the floor. Lady Mary had been impossible to please. Nothing she could do was right today. This was not like her at all, she had her stuff together but the universe, it seemed, wanted to shake her up a bit.

She thanked god when she managed to make it through dinner without her plate in her lap, but her frustrations were still boiling so she went to the courtyard for some air. She soon heard footsteps approaching her and although she could feel her self soften a bit at his presence she was not in the mood for company. And she told him just that, very sharply. She just wanted to wallow in what a horrible day it had been.

He looked at her with that school boy smirk that turned her insides to mush and said, "Anna, I'm sorry I do not know what you mean. I only came out to enjoy the air a bit and read…to myself…out loud…" He sat and turned his head to the pages but watched her out of the corner of his eye. He cleared his throat and began to recite the poem on the page. He knew Elizabeth Browning by heart which allowed him to keep his eyes secretively on her and not the page. Not that he ever could tear his eyes away from her. He also knew she loved Browning.

As his silky voice filled the courtyard and she recognized the beautiful words her resolve to revel in her frustrations fled. She turned to face him slowly, his irresistible voice reeling her in. She took a step toward him when she saw a satisfied cheeky grin take his face. It was infuriatingly adorable. How did he know just what she needed? In her already angered state his power over her made her even more angry but in a way that her heart leapt at. She let out an exasperated groan and sat next to him on the crates. He chuckled at her. "Oh shut up," she said. "Just read." After a moment she relaxed and lost herself in his warm voice, leaning her head against his shoulder. She could never stay angry when he was near.


	12. Arms

**Arms.**

There was quite the commotion coming from the servant's hall which was unusual for this time of day. Ever curious he changed his course from the boot room to see what the ruckus was about. However, when he arrived it wasn't the noise that stopped him in his tracks. It was her. She was smiling and giggling. She was glowing. She was holding a baby. Ethel had come to see the Bryant's again and Anna couldn't wait to scoop the little chap into her arms. He watched her coo Charlie's name and tickle his sides making a slobbery toothless grin spread across his face.

He was completely unprepared and taken aback by the emotions such a sight brought him. He felt tears well up in his eyes. He turned his head and cleared his throat trying to get himself under control. When he turned back she had met his eyes and he could see first the love and then the confusion at his obviously emotional state. He disappeared to the boot room and she had to go fetch Mrs. Hughes for Ethel. She'd have questions for him later, he knew she would. She would have seen the brief moment that his stoicism had been broken.

Right on cue she appeared in the courtyard not five minutes after he had excused himself from the table. "You're brooding, Mr. Bates. I know you are," she said as she shook her head at him.

"I suppose you're right. But…oh Anna…seeing you hold little Charlie in your arms today…I was overwhelmed by such a beautiful sight. You were glowing. Absolutely." She felt herself blush and the butterflies took flight in her stomach. But she steeled herself against his soft words as she readied herself to rebut his seemingly endless supply of self doubt and ridiculous unworthiness. She was shocked then when he stood and glancing to make sure they were alone, he took her gently by the arms, rubbing them softly with his so strong hands. "These arms," he whispered into her ear, his breath sending shivers down her spine, "These beautiful, loving and gentle arms, were just made to cradle our little Elizabeth, in them. You are going to make the most wonderful mother someday. I can't wait to be blessed with such sights every day for the rest of our lives."

She could only gasp and whimper a bit at his words. They had simply taken her breath away. She felt the tears threaten to fall. She took a step back staring deep into his eyes. "I'm afraid you're quite mistaken, Mr. Bates…" now it was his turn for shocked silence. A million horrid thoughts ran through his mind as his face reflected his heart's crestfallen reaction. She didn't want to have his child? But they had discussed it before, she had wanted children, his children. Maybe too much had happened and too much time had passed. He had overstepped with what he said. He was ashamed and embarrassed. He stepped away.

What was really only seconds felt like hours before he was torn from his aching heart and thoughts as he heard her chuckle and felt her hands tugging on his lapel pulling his body into hers. "These arms were made for you… and eventually… our little Jack William Bates. We're having our son first." She giggled and snuggled into him. He let out the biggest sigh of relief as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hair. Suddenly he felt his heart ache in a whole new way, the absolute best way.


	13. Dancing

"Marvelous." He couldn't find it in himself to say anything else. He was simply awestruck by the sight of his wife. Her glorious smile spread wide across her face as she bobbed up and down with the music playing. She was reeling, he didn't know she could. She was so happy and although, for a split second, he found himself feeling sorry that he couldn't join her. Even a bit envious of the men whose arms she joined around the floor, but the feelings were fleeting. They couldn't stand up to the overwhelming pride, joy and love that was over taking him. He even felt his eyes well up, which only brought a larger smile to his face. She caught his gaze every chance she got from the floor. With the room entirely full they could only see each other.

When the song ended she breathlessly came back to her husband's side and he couldn't help but to take her hand in his and holding it gently but strongly. She shook off Lady Mary's praise with her usual modesty and the women began to excitedly chat. He waited for a break in the conversation as long as he could stand before placing a hand on her back and whispering in her ear. "Come with me." She began to protest and question but stopped when she saw the look in his eyes. It burned into her and she felt it throughout her body. She let herself be taken by the hand as they slipped out of the ballroom and away from everyone. When he began to lead her down through the servant's quarters and out the back door she nervously asked where he was taking her. "You'll see," was all he'd give. They headed around the pebble pathway that encompassed the castle until they found themselves upon the great stone walkway that jutted from the house. It was where, just a few days prior, they had discussed their lovely picnic and consoled Lady Rose. He pulled her under the structure and set his cane against a pillar. He then wrapped one arm around her waist pulling her close. He took her hand in his free one and held it against his chest. She was startled for a moment at his forwardness but soon melted into the closeness and laid her head on his chest. He then began to sway with her and step into a small circular rhythm. She looked up at him and saw his eyes were closed but a smile graced his lips.

After a few moments drinking in the intimacy and tenderness of the moment, she spoke. "John, won't your knee protest this?" He shushed her with a heated kiss, letting his tongue trail her lips until she parted them and greeted his with her own. She moaned into his mouth and moved her hands to his neck, while his trailed down to her lower back. When they finally parted only by the need for air, he grazed her neck with his lips making his way up her cheek and stopping at her ear. "It may protest, but not as loudly as my need to dance with my beautiful wife. And for you…" he kissed her then softly. "For you I would endure all things, just to see that smile grace your lips."


	14. Tears don't fall

**Tears don't fall**

"I know you think I did it. You don't want to think it, I appreciate that. But I know you think I did."

"Stop, I don't think that…" she wasn't convincing.

"When will the lies stop? If we're going to get through this, we need to stop lying to each other, Anna. That is if you want us to get through this. Because I do. More than I have ever wanted anything." She looked at him through her tears, her mouth agape.

"Of course I do. I couldn't bear for there to not be… to not be an 'us'…" she shuddered at the words as they fell from her mouth in less than a whisper.

"Then it's time for some honesty, for us. We have to stop living in this fear of hurting each other. After all we've been through together, why hasn't it been enough to make us know we could face anything together? Why hasn't it shown us that nothing but ruin comes from keeping secrets from each other?" He paused trying to collect himself, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. He couldn't lose his nerve, not now. They had made great strides in the last year since he had found out what happened the night of the house party. But at the same time, since about the time of the Bazaar there had been a rift growing. It started as a small creek, narrow and with just a leisurely flow to it. But it had continued to grow, from a creek into a river and now it felt an ocean between them, the waves continually pushing them apart. An ocean he wasn't sure how to circumvent until he started to put the pieces together. Her continual pressure to reveal where he'd gone when she was in London. What he had been up to that he couldn't tell her. Then he had heard from gossip around the downstairs that the bastard Green was dead and the penny had dropped. She thought he was responsible. How right she nearly was. Nearly.

"He's dead now Anna. Why didn't you just tell me he was the one, after he was gone? I understand now why you didn't tell me when he was still alive. I truly do, and I can't say that I blame you there. You don't know how right you were to think that I'd do it. It's all I thought about since I realized it was him, when he was last at Downton." He met her gaze for the first time in what felt like forever, when she made to speak he held up his hand signaling her to stop. He had to get this out.

"You have spent all this time thinking it was me. Fearing that I'd be arrested and taken from you forever. You must have been so scared and angry…" he reached and rested his hand lightly on her shoulder as her head bowed and sobs escaped her. The sound of them was deafening to him. No man should be so accustom to the sound of their beloved wife's cries, as he most certainly was. "If you had just come to me, months ago instead of waiting for your daft husband to put the pieces together. Instead, this rift has presented itself and I only hope that the truth will be a bridge strong enough to forge it." He sat on the chair next to her and pulled her chair close to him. Their knees were touching and he brushed her cheek with one hand before taking both of hers in his.

"I went to York, that day. I had errands and then something I saw there put this grand foolish idea in my head. Since I had the day, I went straight to the train station and headed to London. After doing what I had gone there to do, my head was spinning a bit. I just began to walk. I found myself near Picadilly." her hands went into a vice like grip for a moment before beginning to slack and pull away from his. But he wouldn't let her slip away and held them warmly but sternly.

"You have to believe me that I didn't plan to go there, at least not consciously. I won't say what my subconscious had planned because I think we both know what I wanted to do if I should ever find myself there. When I realized where I was, it was like I was coming out of a dream. My heart began to pound and I couldn't focus. The parts of me that are you, the good in me was battling it out strongly with the dark parts that you, my love, had driven away for so long. 'You're here, you know what you came to do. Just do it. He deserves it.' 'Think of Anna, this is her worst fear. Don't make it a reality. Think of Anna. Think of Anna. Anna.' Your name was like a prayer uttered so intensely in my mind that all I could do was yield to it.

I turned around as fast as I could and fought my way through the crowd. I pushed people aside I'm sure but I didn't care. I just had to get as far away from there as possible. I was so scared. Scared of why I had found myself there. Scared that I wouldn't be strong enough to not do it if I found myself face to face with that son of a bitch. Scared of what you might think of me or do if you found out I was even there. Scared that I had failed you again. After bumping quite strongly into a man on the street I looked up. I saw him. He was about a block away from me, but he had seen me. He was just standing there, staring. I felt every muscle in my body clench. If I hadn't been wearing gloves, I'm sure my nails would have cut clear into my palms. The man I bumped into must have said something to me, I couldn't tell you what, but I turned my head towards him for just a second. And when I turned around again all I saw was the back of Green's head as he began running in the opposite direction like the utter coward he was. That's when it really hit me; yes, he absolutely wasn't worthy of the life and breath he had, but he wasn't worth mine either. Or more importantly, the most important, he wasn't worth yours. When I closed my eyes in those moments I didn't see him. My visions of seeing him dead were gone. I saw you. I saw in a flash what life would be like for you if I were to go after him and how it would have been taken from you, because of my foolishness. Then I saw your smile and had this incredible warming vision of you smiling at me upon my return home. Making that a reality at that moment was all I cared about. I just wanted to get home to you. If I went down that other path, I'd never see that again. Nothing is worth that. So I came home. To you. As I was walking away, I heard a commotion coming from behind me. Women were screaming and men were shouting for a constable. I think…I think that was Green."

He breathed deep, feeling as though he hadn't actually drawn breath during his confession. He felt lighter but then fear sunk into him as reached for her face to lift her eyes to him. He was terrified of what he might see but he had to know. Her eyes reprieved him.

"You didn't do it…" her voice was raw and hushed. "I didn't want to believe you could do it. But I was so afraid that you would. I was so afraid to be right back in that prison again…I couldn't live. That's why I never said…" her sobs resumed as he gathered her in his arms pulling her into his lap. After, long moments of embracing in silence she spoke again.

"You…you've never said what you actually were doing in London. What did you do that got you so turned about?" He sighed and held her tighter.

"When I was in York. I saw a small hotel for sale. And it all came back to me. All of our plans and hopes and dreams. I realized that maybe that was the answer that we've been looking for. A fresh start. I couldn't wait. I went to London to see Mr. Murray. I wanted to talk figures with him about my mother's house and what we've saved. I wanted to know if it was even close to being achievable. Also, if there was maybe some investments I could make that would help bring this dream sooner rather than later. It's not there yet my love. But it's on the horizon. I wish I could take you away tomorrow…a new start with the new dawn."

"Why didn't you tell me this?" she had pulled away from his chest to look at him square in the eyes. "I haven't forgot our dream either you know. We should be working on making it happen together." she was chiding him but a smile had crept onto her face brightening the dark room and mood.

"It was all rather impulsive like I said. And I didn't want you to be disappointed that it's still a ways off. And I think I was afraid that you didn't want that life together any more. Oh Anna, I just want to be able to give you everything right at this moment."

"But you are. In your arms, I have everything I could ever need or want. Don't ever let me go." The tension that had taken over their cottage, their one time sanctuary, was easing its grasp. It wasn't gone nor would it be any time soon. They weren't foolish enough to believe that. But with the new honesty and trust forming between them, the fog would begin to dissipate much faster. She was crying again, but these weren't desperate heartbreaking sobs like before. These were of relief and mending. His hand slid to her neck, lightly entwining his fingers in her hair and her head settled on his chest.

"Don't cry, my love. It'll all be alright now. We're coming together again and we'll transverse this ocean side by side, coming to shore stronger than ever. Shh…please Anna, _your tears don't fall, they crash around me_."

* * *

**A/N: **_So I have decided to start prompting myself with songs or lines from songs that every time I hear them they whisper 'Banna' to me. This is my first. Inspired by Bullet For My Valentine's song "Tears Don't Fall." The last line in italics is from the song. The complete lyric is "Your tears don't fall they crash around me. Her conscious calls the guilty to come home." Seemed fitting to me. Not to mention I'm hoping we get a long scene of drawn out angsty honesty between Bates and Anna in S5. They need to get mad and sad (well sad in a different way than they already are that I can't really explain, not that that makes sense) and stop getting themselves in the way of their happiness by being so afraid of hurting and/or not trusting each other. Be happy Banna!_


	15. Accident or fate?

**A/N: **This one is a bit different. It's my first go at a prompt challenge put up by _Terriejane_, and it's my first venture into a modern AU Bates and Anna story. Her prompt was about Bates as a botanist who finds a picture of Anna and keeps it for five years before meeting her. Thanks for reading!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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**Accident or fate?**

As he awoke laying on his side, his eyes adjusted to the sunlight focusing on the deep sapphire of her eyes. A sleepy smile took his face as he greeted her as he always did; "Good morning love." He sat up and shook his head at his foolishness also just like every morning. It was only a photograph of her. A her he had never met. And never would, his heart sighed. But he still lifted it gently to his lips for a moment before he got up and began his day, it was his routine.

He had come across the picture some years before while on a trip to a state park some miles away from the city. He was taking photos of the local flora when he noticed it laying near a patch of wildflowers that he was particularly interested in. He grabbed it and shoved it in his pocket, thinking it had been just a piece of trash discarded by some careless passerby. It wasn't until that night when he got home and attempted to fish his keys out of his pocket that he realized he had discovered a treasure. She had golden hair that rivaled the sun. Oceans for eyes and a smile that touched his soul. He was enamored with her instantly. He felt a warmth rush through him as he took in her smile, he felt like it was one meant only for him.

"Get a hold of yourself Bates!" He laughed as he went to toss the picture into the trash. But he couldn't let it go. There was something about this woman and felt it a grave sin to discard her so carelessly, she deserved better. He carried it with him to his bedroom never taking his eyes off of it. So blinded by her that he walked smack into the doorframe upon reaching his room. As he again laughed at himself he found himself dreaming of what her laugh must be like. How her face would have lit up with laughter if she had just witnessed his blunder. Her laugh would have been melodic and adorable he knew, somehow. Infectious even, and he would have joined in with her cheer. Then he began to think that if she had been there to see it, she would have been in his bedroom. Maybe even on his bed. He would have joined her there too. He felt a twinge coming low in his body and relished the feeling for a moment.

After a deep calming breath, before he needed a cold shower, he went to set it on the dresser next to all the clutter a bachelor was allowed but that didn't seem right. As he looked around his room he saw the perfect place, on his night stand next to his bed. His mind was telling him the gesture was a bit creepy but in his heart it felt right all the same. He wanted to wake up to this woman everyday for the rest of his life. And there it rested for the next five years. She was the last thing he saw at night and the first sight to greet him in the morning.

He was supposed to have been on a plane that morning to gather specimens from the Everglades but a hurricane was headed for Florida and all flights were canceled. He debated using this as an excuse for a much needed day off, but before he even realized what he was doing he found himself dressed and heading out the door to work.

He was a lead botanist at the Garfield Park Conservatory and while he was deemed "above" the menial chores of watering the plants and tending to their growth, he enjoyed it. Often on days when he wasn't too bogged down with lectures or compiling the copious amounts of data he had gathered he would wander the conservatory. Taking mental notes on improvements, yes, but mostly enjoying the sight of the public discovering the beauty of the luscious growth he had helped bring them. It was then he was reminded why he did what he did and why he loved it so much.

He was standing mostly hidden among the trees and the plants, watering when a glimpse of gold among the greenery caught his eye. The golden shine was too familiar to ignore and he was drawn to follow. He made his way swiftly to a clearing coming out ahead of the path she was walking down. When the recognition hit him he was caught so off guard that he stumbled on a well placed accent rock and felt his body flinging forth, his arms flailing. He heard the voice of an angel gasping in surprise and shock. When he regained his balance he became horrified at the sight before him. He had completely doused his dream woman with the hose he still held in his hand. He didn't help matters when he didn't immediately let it go, and was therefore continuing to splash water all over her shoes.

"Oh my god! I'm so, crap, I'm so entirely sorry! I…I lost my footing back there…" He wanted to crawl under that damned rock that had been his demise. When she recovered a bit she raised her head to look at the man who had ruined her outfit she felt the small bout of anger dissipate immediately. She felt herself sink into his deep green eyes. Then she saw the horrified and terribly embarrassed look on his face. She couldn't help the laugh that escaped her. He was still uttering apology after apology as she was trying to reassure him between the laughs that just kept coming, until he, without thinking, reached up and began to brush a wet tendril that had stuck to her cheek. Neither could speak and their breaths were taken simultaneously as the electricity surged through them. His hand lingered for a second too long, but he swore she had leaned her face into his palm. He dropped his hand.

"I can't believe I did that. I'm so embarrassed. Here come with me, I've got some towels back here somewhere, miss?"

"Anna. Smith. But just Anna." Was she breathing? She couldn't tell. All she could feel was his hand on her cheek and warmth surging through her whole body. "Yeah, I guess a towel or several would be in order," she finally mustered with a weak laugh. "And it's really, ok. It was just an accident." Was it an accident? Or was it fate? She didn't know why and she felt it foolish to even think such a thing, but she felt deep within her it was the latter.

"I'm John by the way, your idiot extraordinaire. The supply room is just through here. Be careful, it's a bit slippery." He stepped aside pushing back some low hanging branches as he let her take the lead and his hand naturally came to her back to guide her. It felt like it belonged there. He entered a code on the keypad and opened the door for her. She smiled as she passed. As he fumbled around the small room for towels, she peeled off her soaking sweater leaving her in just a thin tee that now clung to every curve and mound. He dropped the towels when he turned and saw her, she was so beautiful, even more than he dreamed she would be. His brain couldn't comprehend this situation as reality, that she could be so incredible and actually be standing here.

She knew she should feel self-conscious about her current state of dress but under his gaze she felt emboldened by it. A strand of his hair hung over his forehead after he ran his hands through it, mumbling under his breath. She was wracked with the urge to brush it back into place with her hands, she imagined how silky it must feel. She snapped back to the present when he handed her a towel, their fingers brushing for a second. Their eyes locked, before both turned away with awkward silence hanging in the air.

"Here take this, compliments of the Garfield Conservatory, I insist." He removed his Conservatory sweatshirt and handed it to her.

"No, I couldn't, really."

"No, I insist. I know it's humid out there but outside you'll freeze in that state. And let me get you a cup of coffee or tea before you go to help keep the chill away. And a cab! Or that is if you didn't drive here yourself…you can't take the 'L' like that…you know what, I can drive you. I will. If you need me to…no trouble…" His ramblings were pathetic in his ears but adorable in hers.

"John," she cut him off, reaching and putting a hand on his shoulder. There was that electricity again. "It's ok, really, I promise. But thank you for the sweatshirt, I think you're right, there was bit of a chill this morning. And I would love a ride home, if you're sure it's no trouble. I mean can you get away?" She couldn't believe she was going to let this man take her home, but at the same time she didn't want this time with him to end. She slid his sweatshirt over her head and felt dizzy from the delicious scent that was him.

He could only think that he would quit his job right then and there for the chance to spend a few more moments with her if that's what it took. "No, it won't be an issue. I wasn't even supposed to be here today, I was supposed to be headed towards the Everglades to do some research but the hurricane canceled my flight. Come on, let's get you home and out of those wet clothes…" His eyes went wide with embarrassment. Really? Did he just say that? Dumbass! "Ahh… that's not what I meant…I didn't mean for me to take you out of those clothes…I only meant…oh jeeze. You think I'm a total creeper don't you?" His shoulders slumped but her laughter was music to his ears. She was laughing at him. He thanked god for that smile.

"I know what you meant. Honestly, no need to be embarrassed. In fact I think I'd be a little hurt if a man didn't want to take me home in this state…" She wasn't subtle with her flirting and she didn't care. "Come on let's get that coffee."

The conversation only became more engrossing with each block they drove passed. He thanked god when she revealed she lived up in Lincoln Park, the far north side when the Conservatory was in the near south. And they both offered their silent thanks when traffic came to a stand still prolonging the journey. But even the brutal Chicago traffic couldn't prevent their inevitable arrival at her building.

"Anna, I hope you won't think I'm being too forward when I say that although I'm sorry for how we met, I'm not sorry for having met you." He clenched his jaw and forced himself to be brave enough to turn to meet her eyes. They were soft and gracious.

"I'm not either, John. Not a bit. In fact…" she gathered her courage and continued. "You know I'm just not sure this cup of coffee is enough to make up for these ruined shoes. I think, I might have to let you buy me dinner…" A hopeful, but cheeky grin took her face.

"A dinner? Ten dinners! A hundred! They do look quite expensive." They were simple Chuck Taylors, he knew it and she knew he knew it. "..it would be my pleasure."

"Well, let's start with one, but you know I'm not sure my sweater will survive either so that might be another dinner."

"Deal. Tomorrow at seven? For the shoes?"

"For the shoes." She said in agreement. She grabbed his phone from the console and jabbed her number into it, then leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, before quickly exiting the car. He watched her all the way and she turned to wave before disappearing into the building. Her lips left scorch marks on his cheeks, he was sure but his body shivered.

One dinner made up for the shoes. A following made up for the sweater and indeed a hundred more followed those. New pictures of her took up residence on his night stand, and dresser, and desk and mantel. Not that he needed them as her actual, beautiful face was now the last thing he saw when he went to sleep every night and the first thing to greet him every morning.


	16. New Chapters

**A/N** This is a short one shot in response to a weekend challenge of "the one scene you want to see most in Season 5." This is most definitely an abridged version, as I'd like to see a lot more cottage time discussions about what's happened in general and between them and how they're going to move on and heal together. But like I said on Tumblr, the endgame is there and really that's all that matters. :)

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing when it comes to DA

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They were walking back from the Abbey, her arm settled in the crook of his elbow just as they had done a million times before. When the cottage came into sight, though, she stopped walking. It was as if she was seeing it for the first time in years. And the sight of it was one of the most beautiful and comforting things she had ever seen.

Her head was still spinning with the day and all the truths that had come to light. There had been an investigation into the death of Green and today an arrest had been made. She slid her hand down her husband's arm taking his hand and holding it with all her strength. He was here with her now, by her side, no iron cuffs binding him and finally free of the suspicions and doubts that had been holding them apart.

Her heart did go out to Lady Mary. Lord Gillingham had been arrested that morning in London for the death of his former valet. The investigation had turned up a sordid mess of blackmail and intrigue. The Gillingham name as it turns out was all that was left of the once grand family. And Green knew that the young Vicount's proclivities for gambling and other sordid activities were to blame. When Gillingham had thrown Mable Lane Fox over for Mary Crawley, Green had been enraged. The big payoff for his silence had been so close, now Gillingham was jeopardizing it all for a woman who had given him no indication of her willingness to marry. A woman who had then tried to force Gillingham to sack Green, although for reasons Gillingham swore he wasn't privy to. Gillingham had tried to assure his valet that he had to be sacked just to appease Lady Mary, but that after the wedding Green would get his payout just the same. Green was incensed, thinking he was taking him for a fool. The two men got into a bit of a shoving match as Green told Gillingham he was going straight out to send Lady Mary about the true nature of the man she was considering marrying, leaving Gillingham with no choice but to go through with his marriage to Mabel. Gillingham followed Green into the street trying to plead with the man to see reason to no avail. When the lorry had come down the road Gillingham shoved Green into the street, storming away without so much as a look back.

During the impending investigation letters had turned up showing how desperate Green's need for Gillingham to marry well was. Apparently, Green had had several run-ins with the law in London and had struck a deal with a greedy constable. Green was going to blackmail Gillingham for a large sum of money to keep quiet the Viscount's gambling habits and loss of the family fortune. Green in turn would then pay off the greedy officer for "misplacing paperwork" on his crimes and he would finally be able to take off for America where he wouldn't have to worry about being flung into His Majesty's prisons.

The relief that had surged through Anna's entire body had the strength of a hurricane ripping through a shore. She felt as if she hadn't drawn breath in months and suddenly her lungs and her heart were so full they were sure to explode. Feelings of foolishness and regret had also come along but the two of them had wasted enough breath on apologies for a lifetime and she wanted nothing other than words of love to be shared between them starting now.

Looking upon the cottage as they approached was like looking on the new beginning that was upon them. As soon as the front door had closed she turned and crushed herself against him, wrapping her arms around him tightly and breathing deeply his scent. He stood frozen to the spot. The knowledge that this was the closest she had been to him since the whole nightmare began was keeping him from reciprocating the wonderful embrace; fearful of her response.

"John please. Please hold me." She pleaded as she somehow managed to hold him even tighter. Her grip and her words were all the reassurance he needed. His eyes filled as he slowly brushed his hands across her back before stilling to hold her to him. They shuddered in unison at this embrace that was all too familiar and sorely missed. Moments passed before he gathered the courage to bring his hands to her cheeks and gaze into her eyes. The look of longing and love he saw in her drew a smile and he slowly lowered his head to hers, stopping to rest his forehead on hers. He wanted to go on but this was a seeking of approval, which she fervently gave as her lips pushed against his with urgency. He was surprised at the desperation he felt on her lips but he was grateful for it as he realized she had missed him as much as he did her. Her tongue tentatively traced his lips and he granted her entry. Moans in unison echoed in the back of their throats and their hands began to wander. When they pulled apart for the need of breath they lost themselves in each other's eyes, smiling.

"Here let me take your coat." She said helping herself to the business of undoing the buttons. She slid her hands up his chest to his shoulders to help the coat off, her eyes fluttering shut as she did. She turned and hung it up on the hook. He in turn helped her out of hers. As he stepped away from her to place her coat next to his, he spoke softly;

"Anna, I know what relief you must feel at today's news. I know you thought it was me. I know that's why you've been distant since finding out about Green's death and I just want you to know…"

"Shhh…" she closed the distance between them with a lingering kiss. "It's all over and done with now, truly, completely." She kissed him again then rested her head to feel his heart. She remembered this feeling of never being able to have enough of him and she let the memories of him all over her body fill her. "This is a new chapter for us John Bates, free of the past and free of foolish doubts. I love you as you love me…"

"So much, my love…"

"That's all that matters. It's all that ever has, really. Let's make a promise to never forget that and to never let anything get in the way again. Nothing can touch us now and nothing can ever break us. There's nothing I want more than to be here in your arms. This is home. This is all I need." She lifted her head and began placing soft kisses on his neck and throat. She could feel his groans vibrating there and the beat of his heart under her palm. The feeling lit the fire in her that she had been so afraid had be put out for good. She had never known such a warmth and she needed to feel more of it, all of it through her whole body. "Touch me John, I need you to. I need you now…always." The strength in her voice assured him she meant what she was saying. He caught her mouth with his as she trailed her lips up his throat. There was greed and passion unlike they had ever felt. He pulled away and chuckled when he saw her eyes still closed and a pout on her face.

"We have all the time in the world my love. I've missed you so much but we need to take our time. Come, let us get reacquainted." With that he stooped and scooped her up in his arms. She laughed aloud in surprise wrapping her arm around his neck. With the other she caressed his cheek and stared deep into his eyes that were endless oceans of love. 'This man…' she thought to herself. With a blink of her eyes and a slight nod, he began to walk to the stairs. He paused when they reached their bedroom;

"I love you Anna."

"I love you."

With that they entered and closed the door behind them. Closed the door on the world and to the past that had kept them apart for far too long. Neither could know then as they lay together, bodies entwined, a new chapter of a whole different sort had just begun. No, this new chapter would take a few months to make its presence known. A chapter that in nine months time would show the world just how far they had come and how their love was stronger than ever.


	17. Cleansing

**A/N:** This is a fluffy smut-ish drabble I wrote as an apology to my dear dear Tumblr pals for leaving my multi chapter fic where I did. They did and did not forgive. Some insisted that I have to write more ;)

**Disclaimer:** owns nothing

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**Cleansing**

He was exhausted, but proud of their hard labors for the day in the cottage. It was coming along nicely and the painting that day had gone faster than expected. He was relaxing in a hot bath flexing his damned knee that wanted to protest the efforts. He heard her come in the bathroom to give him a fresh towel and to bring his clothes.

"I'll be out in a minute, I think I've gotten all the paint off." She couldn't help but to laugh when she noticed a large white swipe across his neck and flecks in his hair giving it a decidedly salt and pepper appearance.

"You most certainly have not! Did you not even attempt your back? Your neck is covered in paint! Here give me that." She took a step to the side of the tub and reached into the warm water to take the flannel from his hand. Electricity struck each of them as their hands brushed. Their shudders mirrored each other and it didn't go unnoticed as he gave her a devilish grin that she pretended not to notice, although she couldn't stop the heated smile from creeping up on her face. She stepped to the back of the tub and kneeled down trying to keep her breathing under control. It was a completely wasted effort for as soon as she so much as grazed his neck with the cloth she felt that blissful and exhilarating need flare up in a wave of heat deep within her. His contented moans did nothing but throw fuel on the heavenly fire that was beginning to rage. A fire that could only be extinguished by him in the most beautiful and satisfying of ways.

She let her fingers trace his hair line as she moved the flannel and she felt him shiver under her touch. She couldn't help her eyes fluttering shut as she took in the feeling of him. His strong muscles and his soft skin, all slick with sweat and water. Before she even realized it, she had started unbuttoning her dress with her free hand. Obviously her body knew what she needed at that moment even before her brain did.

He was leaning into her hand with his eyes closed, relishing his wife's touch and hadn't notice what her true intentions were yet. She smiled at this trying to quietly shed her garments before he noticed. When she had freed her body from their fabric prisons she dipped the flannel in the water and held it off to the side.

"You got quite a bit in your hair as well, Mr. Bates. You silly man." He only groaned in response before she wrung the cloth out over his head dousing him in a warm wave.

"Anna! What the…oh god…" he had turned to face her but his scold quickly fell away as he took in the sight of her naked form. A low gravel-laden groan escaped him as his body instantly reacted creating a undeniably visible need for her. She offered a wicked grin as she brought the flannel to her own skin brushing it lightly across her breast.

"You know I think I'm in need of quite the cleaning myself…" she had barely gotten the words out before he had stood taking her into his arms. His mouth plundered hers and she was returning the exploration just as greedily. As he slid his hands down her back and under her plush bottom her legs instinctively lifted and wrapped around his waist. Hot animalistic moans filled the air as their middles came into contact. Slowly he lowered them into the tub. Their lips were everywhere as were their hands. Water was splashing about but they didn't notice as they were joined. They were only aware of their needs and the other's body which would fulfill them. The friction and waves created by their glorious rhythm cleansing them of every last drop of paint.


	18. Dreams

**Dreams**

When she had been a child she had been a dreamer as all little children are. She had dreams of being a princess like in the stories her mum would tell her to lull her into sleep. She dreamt of little creatures of all sorts being her friends, talking to her and going on great adventures with her. She dreamt of castles and gowns, and every toy and play thing her vast imagination could think of. She would dream of her prince charming coming to ward off the dragons and awake her from her eternal sleep, before whisking her off to their castle where they'd live happily ever after.

Those dreams faded when she became a teenager and the reality of her family's station of life on the farm became her life. She arose early and worked hard along side her mum, dad and brothers but they were happy and they were together. She knew she shouldn't want for more, but she was still young and prone to foolish notions. Every night she would dream of her prince who would kiss the hard life away and they would ride off into the sunset to their happily ever after, preferably in a large home where she didn't have to work in the fields anymore.

She was only sixteen when she was sent to work at the Abbey, foolish notions still in tow. But as the years passed, she no longer dreamed of a prince and a fairy tale life. Nor did she even dream of a life where she was living like of one of the Crawley daughters she watched day after day with their gowns and every wish being granted. She was much too practical for those foolish notions now. She knew her lot and was determined to make the best of it. She had actually grown to quite enjoy her life at Downton. Even if it wasn't what she had exactly envisaged for herself it was a good life and she was more than making the best of it. She didn't need a castle to live in or a prince to take her away. She now only saw a simple man in her dreams. A good man, an honest man. Maybe a farmer like her father. She didn't need or want for much; just to love and be loved in return. A simple man who loved her and a happy life together; that was now her dream of a happily ever after. And now that she was getting of age this dream she kept in her heart.

When he had arrived years later she quickly learned that he wasn't simple. He was actually quite complicated and mysterious. But good and noble. Although, aside from those qualities he had very little in common with the men of her dreams. He was older than all the princes, farmers and shop keepers had been. None of those men had walked with a limp. And although the faces of the princes and farmers that would come to win her heart someday weren't always clear, she was sure his face wasn't like any she had ever seen before, in sleep or awake. All the same, it wasn't long after his appearance in her life that her dreams began to change, to shift so they included him. At first she tried to shake them off and tell her brain that they were foolish, but in her heart she knew they weren't foolish at all. Deep down she knew that dreaming of this man and loving him the way she was starting to wasn't foolish at all.

After he came into her life she began to learn that dreams do not always come true all at once, sometimes they came in stages. First, he had brought her a tray when she was sick adorned with flowers. Then he had taken her hand in his. Then came his kiss, which was far better than any she had ever dreamed of. He was returning her love that she had so boldly declared. Her dreams of this man were starting to come true. But this man also taught her that dreams do not always come easy. He had broken her heart in nearly the same spot in the courtyard where he had finally accepted it, pressing his lips to hers. He had abandoned her cold and alone in the great halls, without so much as letter of his well being. Yet, through all this she never stopped dreaming of him. He was her heart's only desire and if her heart wasn't willing to let go then she was determined to be patient and never give up hope. She began to dream of his return to her and their love. When she first heard his voice, that was all at once strong and silky and soft, echoing through the halls she had to shake her head. She was sure it was a dream, but one she would chase. And she did, into the hall where he was standing. Still so much her dream but completely rooted in her reality. She caressed his arm as he passed by, he was solid and strong. He was back. And his smile held all his love for her.

After she became his wife she thought she need never dream again, what would have been the point? She had him and he was all she had ever wanted. That was until her dreams became the only place where she could see him free and happy. She had to cling to her dreams of his arms around her because they had been forced apart. She reminded herself that dreams weren't easy, but they were indeed worth fighting for. And fight she did, as if her life depended on it. The result was finally him back home in her arms. They started life again and she learned that maybe sometimes dreams just need to be reset and restarted.

When she thought that their life couldn't get better; when they had finally settled into that simple life, and that simple dream of love was all they knew she was horribly awaken to the notion that dreams could be lost. They could be fractured and broken. They could be stolen. At that time she had never wanted to ever dream again, because she had no dreams anymore. Nightmares were all that she knew. She was completely lost to herself and to him and to the dreams that had been her reality. She had never known how lucky she had been. So few get a chance to actually live their dreams as she had, even if it had been just for a short precious while.

She watched his dreams slip away too. She had been his dream as much as he had been hers, and now she was lost to him as to herself. Somewhere hidden and small inside of her, this knowledge reignited her fight. Eventually, small glimpses of dreams became intertwined with all the nightmares of that night. Then dreams became more frequent than the nightmares. Dreams in stages. She realized that dreams could be lost but they could also be found. They could be fractured and broken, but also mended. They may be stolen, but they could be recovered. She could recover. She would mend and she would find herself and her way back to him. Dreams sometimes have to be reignited.

As she stood in the courtyard of the Abbey for the last time, she looked at the great stone building that had made her the woman she was today. It was in these walls she learned which dreams were meant to be held onto and which ones to let go. Which ones to fight for and which to let slip away. Here she had met the man who was nothing like she had ever dreamt of. No, he was so much better than her imagination had ever dared. And she loved him more than she thought possible. As he stepped up the stone walkway to join her he placed one arm around her shoulders and a gentle hand on the small swell of her stomach. Her hand immediately joined his and though he couldn't feel the movement, she could, fluttering inside of her. She thanked god for dreams that turn into tiny miracles. She leaned into his body raising her face to kiss his lips. They turned and began walking away from the Abbey and towards their future by the sea. Dreams change and fade. They grow and they diminish. And sometimes even when they come true it's in ways so unexpected that reality becomes so much better than any dream had ever been. She need only look at her husband and daughter to know they were everything and nothing she had dreamt of before.


	19. Routine

**_A/N:_**_ I wrote this after this past Sunday's episode just needing some Anna and Bates fluff. I was feeling awfully downtrodden about the two of them just because of how poorly her lingering S4 story line has been handled so far as well as the severe lack of screen time my OTP has gotten thus far. Hopefully, that changes in the coming episodes, but only time will tell. With all that said, here is just some happy Banna fluff that I hope you enjoy. I wrote it purposefully without a time frame in mind. It's not shadowed by Vera, or prison, or S4. It's just a day in the life of two characters who deserve a ton of happiness. Enjoy! And if you like it, review it. They make me smile, and then you can smile knowing you just made my day...ok ok I'll stop groveling now... ;)_

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Morning came as it always does and he had trouble waking his grumbling wife as he always did. She swatted his hand away as he gently shook her shoulder and proceeded to bury her face in the pillow to block out the light.

"Anna, come on love, it's time to wake up." He was already dressed and had left her to sleep as long as possible, but she really should have been up at least twenty minutes ago. He sat on the edge of the bed next to her and tugged the pillow away from her face. Golden locks cascaded down her face and fluttered with her breath. He smiled while rolling his eyes in love towards the heavens and saying the same prayer of thanks for her that he had every day for the last twelve years. He brushed the hair away and placed sweet kisses along the same trail his fingers had previously traveled. She smiled but still didn't open her eyes. "Anna, you have to get up," he chuckled. "Come on I brought you a cup of tea."

"Well, why didn't you say so?" That got her moving and she opened her eyes and sat up, not quite like a shot, but enough. He just shook his head at her with a goofy grin.

"Glad to know that my kisses rank below a common cup of tea, my dear wife…" With the cup to her lips she shook her head and took several large gulps of the liquid before responding by greeting his lips with hers quickly and still with a touch of sleepiness.

"I don't know what you're talking about…" she gave him a wink before handing him back the cup which he took with a laugh and a shake of the head.

"Get on with you then, woman. We're going to be late." He shook a finger at her before leaving her about her business and waiting, somewhat impatiently for her downstairs. Eventually, she made her way down looking rosy cheeked and simply radiant, a glorious smile already playing upon her lips that somehow managed to become even larger when her eyes met those of her husband. She bounded the last step and marched toward him wrapping her arms around his waist. She listened to his heart for a moment, the sound of which never ceasing to fill her with joy.

"Good morning, Mr. Bates." She rose to tiptoes and kissed him fully for the first time that day. He returned the gesture just as lovingly. "Enough of that. We're going to be late…" she whisked away from him in a flutter of her skirt and a hearty laugh and headed towards the door.

"This woman…" he said aloud in a gruff voice that reflected the adoration he had for her and all of her cheek. They began their walk to the Abbey with hand in hand. They stopped at their usual few spots they had mapped out on their infinite trips up and down this path to steal kisses when they were sure to be out of sight. It was a treat that had now become a delicious routine. Occasionally, they would be too wrapped up in conversation missing one of these detours which they decided could only be remedied by making up double along the next. By the time they reached the courtyard and put the "proper" amount of distance between them they were quite red faced and out of breath. Thankfully, breakfast was always a hectic and weary time of day and their appearance hardly went noticed day in and day out. They ate and talked hardly taking their eyes off of each other the whole time. Their hands would brush and when they thought no one was looking they would lean closer into each other and hush 'I love yous' in each other's ears, among other racy suggestions. A sort of game played between them to see who would blush first.

Too quickly the bells began to ring and the spell was broken. They found each other from time to time in the halls during the day and if they had time they would stop and chat inquiring how the other was doing as if it had been hours or days since they had last laid eyes on each other. If time didn't permit, they would pass each other with loving smiles and stolen brushes of hands against hands or limbs. When dinner came they passed the time much as with breakfast. The room may have been crowded and noisy, but they didn't notice. The only things they noticed came in colors. Blue and green eyes, pink soft lips and knees covered in black clothing pressed firmly against each other. He slipped a hand under the table to squeeze her thigh, the sound of her sigh at his touch sending a thrill through his body. She placed hers on top of his reciprocating the tension of the touch. Feeling particularly racy this evening she even slid his hand north just a touch, but more than enough to make him start and cough to hide his surprise. This break in decorum only lasted a half a minute at most, but the effects radiated long after.

With the Earl and Lady Mary tucked in their bedrooms, they were finally free to head back home. Routine and wanting took over and as soon as they were out of sight and hidden in the darkness the space between them became nearly non-existent. He stopped for a moment to gaze at the stars and pointed out a few constellations to her but she took no notice of his words once his extended bare neck was shown to her. She leaned up and placed a couple of quick but heated open mouth kisses there taking him by surprise.

"Why Mrs. Bates, you naughty girl, out here in the open." He growled at her before swiftly wrapping his arm around her waist and bringing her flush against him kissing her passionately. After they separated they stood there under the glory of the night sky catching their breath and staring into each other's eyes. The stars he saw in the sky couldn't hold a candle to the sparkle in her eyes. Without needing words they continued on their way. When they entered their cottage she proceeded to the kitchen to put the kettle on as she always did while he sifted through his stack of books to find what felt right for the evening. He settled on the settee where she joined him a few minutes later, nestling under his arm head on his chest while he whispered poetry into her hair. After a while, he closed the book and she gathered the dishes. They met at the stairs and headed up. He pulled the pins from her hair and shook it out, combing through it with his fingers. She helped him with his tie and collar. When he reached for his night shirt she caught his hand, placing a kiss in his palm.

"Don't bother. You won't be needing that tonight, Mr. Bates." The utterly wanton tone of her voice sent fire through his whole being.

"God, I love you."

This had been just another day for them. Day in and day out, they had the routine of their simple life down cold. But just because it was routine didn't mean that each day they shared wasn't extraordinary.


	20. Mending

_**A/N:** This was my response to another wonderful weekend challenge prompt from Terriejane. Spoiler alert for S5 ep1. After the episode aired it seemed to be the consensus that Anna and Bates had resumed, shall we say, marital relations. An important part of the healing process that of course we didn't get to see (because we haven't gotten to see any period! but don't get me started on that...move on Tam, this is a happy story...) So the challenge was to write about them and their first time after Anna's attack. I hope I did them justice._

_And thank you so much for all the follows and very kind words. I appreciate every single one of them. I really really do. Nothing makes my day more than knowing someone read something I wrote and actually enjoyed it. So thank you from the bottom of my heart._

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He's off in London with the earl and she's gone to bed alone. There's always a sense of uneasiness in her being left alone now but she finds solace in the cottage. It is their home and she feels she'll never make up for the time she chose to leave it. A foolish notion now as there is no place else she could ever feel as safe and as loved as she does in these walls. Even without him there, his love, their love, welcomes her and fills her with every turn. She feels him in the stacks of books lying next to the settee in the sitting room and on the small nightstand on his side of the bed. She feels him when she heads upstairs and sees the wardrobe left open with his suits hanging in it. In the bathroom she feels him when she spots the towel left carelessly on the edge of the sink, instead of neatly hung on the bar, his doing as always. She wraps her arms around herself and breathes deep, exhaling pure contentment.

She readies herself for bed and as she sits down she reaches and picks up the picture of the two of them they had taken not long after his release. She traces his strong face with her fingers, closing her eyes when she brushes passed the crinkles by his eyes and she thinks of how endearing they are. She then brushes his lips and finds herself wishing they were kissing her goodnight right at this moment. She gently kisses his image before putting out the lamp and lying down for the night. She tosses and turns which generally wouldn't be anything unusual for her in the nights since, but tonight feels different. Before she even realizes what she's doing she's found herself rolling over to his side of the bed, reaching for his pillow. She brings it to her, inhaling his scent; pomade, sweat and the musk that is purely him. She holds the pillow against her long ways and clings to it. She can almost feel that it's him she's desperately hugging. Tonight is different because she misses him in a way she hasn't for far too long. She aches for him and needs his arms around her. As her eyes close and she continues to deeply inhale his scent her mind begins to take her on a journey through every touch, kiss, embrace and night of passion they have ever shared. She sits up abruptly, startled by how her breath has been completely taken away just by the memories of him all over body. Then a new, but familiar, feeling awakens deep within her. She feels a stirring in a part of herself she long had feared had been stilled and shut away forever. She needs him. No, she wants him. She feels a slight grip of fear overcome her, but it's not brought on by that night. She's just so taken off guard by how strongly her need, want and love of this man is. She can barely take it and she begins to cry. She brings his pillow close again and lets the tears soak into it. She is not crying out of pain or fear or for even missing him. She's crying because she loves so entirely and she knows she's finally ready to be loved in return. She breathes out deeply and wills herself into sleep; a sleep filled with dreams of them together as husband and wife, joined in the most intimate and beautiful of ways. Besides the sooner she sleeps the faster the hours will pass until he is home.

It's her half day when he finally returns, two days later. Amazingly the feelings from the other night have only grown over the time and she's ever so grateful. She had been afraid they would diminish, but her fears were put to rest as every hour that passed only assured her that it was time. The train was delayed therefore putting off their reunion until late in the evening after he's dressed his lordship for bed. She doesn't mind one bit, because he's back. And she'll be able to greet him in their home as lovers and not under the demotions of the Abbey. She knows if she had been there when he had arrived she would not have been able to stop herself from jumping into his arms and kissing him into sweet oblivion; so she is content to wait. Impatiently wait, but wait nevertheless.

When she finally hears him approach and the key in the lock she feels a smile break her face wide open. It nearly causes her pain as it's a smile that had become foreign to her features. She waits with bated breath until she hears him call her name. Had she ever heard anything as sweet as his voice? She moves then quickly and lunges into his arms. He nearly falls backwards from the impact but the door catches them. He is startled and frightened; he hadn't been able to see her face. Was she scared? Why was her breath coming so fast? He could feel the whole of her small back heaving up and down. He rubs his hands up and down to soothe for a moment before bringing his hands to her face to look at her properly. What he sees takes his breath away. There are tears, yes. However, it's her smile that does the stealing. He can only remember seeing it this big when he had placed the ring on her finger years ago, binding their love and their lives together for all time. It's infectious and he smiles right back looking deep into her eyes before pulling her close. She nuzzles at his neck for a moment before tentatively taking his neck in her hand bringing him in. Soft lips meet in a whisper before turning into a passionate scream.

As their tongues mingle she groans in remembrance of how good he tastes. She feels a glorious tensing low in the core of her body and she chases that feeling. Her hands travel from his face to his broad chest clutching at his lapel before starting on the buttons. They part for air and her head is spinning the way it had the time he had first kissed her. Though that kiss and too many of the kisses that followed had not felt like this. They were beautiful and full of love yes, but she hadn't known true passion then. But she did now and she wanted to feel it again. She felt him begin to pull away in attempt to slow things down and to gather his bearings but before he knew it her lips had found his again and her tongue was plundering. He gave in for a moment (god, how could he not?) before he pulled her away, smiling at her closed eyes and how her swollen lips were still puckered as if she hadn't registered his absence.

"Anna, my love…what…I mean…" she put her finger against his lips, effectively stopping his distracted train of thought.

"I've missed you John…"

"I missed you too, silly…"

"Shh…" she quickly stood on her tip toes to hush him again with a brush of her lips. "No, I miss you John. I miss…us." He wasn't sure what to say. He was hoping she was saying what he thought but he didn't want to be wrong and cause her guilt at an assumption.

"Anna…?"

"I need you. I need this, more of this." She restarted her exploration of his chest and finished the rest of the buttons on his vest pushing it off his shoulders slowly but surely, savoring what she felt of him beneath her fingers. His hands moved to her waist in a natural reciprocation of need, but he wouldn't go farther without her lead. She began working on his collar and tie, making short work of them. When she had opened the top few buttons of his shirt, she ran her fingers along his jaw before trailing down his neck and into the free space she had created, tangling her fingertips in the hair she found there. She leaned forward pressing her body to his and with the tip of her tongue she tasted the skin she felt there. They shuddered in unison, before she froze up, feeling his unavoidable need for her against her stomach. He noticed her sudden tension and turned away from her, cursing himself for getting so carried away. He had just missed her so much; missed them and all the feelings being together like this brought up in him. As he turned to apologize, he felt her hand slip into his.

"I'm sorry…I got carried away…if you're not…"

"It's not that. I am ready. I promise you John. I want and need this as much as you do. I had just forgotten for a moment…I…" she struggled to find the right words. "The feel of you against me…it felt so wonderful…I forgot how good it makes me feel knowing you want me." She wouldn't meet his gaze, almost sounding bashful, but there was a sensual smile on her face at the same time.

"I have always wanted you Anna. And I will never stop desiring you. Just as I have always loved you and always will. More and more every day. Though where my heart finds the room, I'll never know. I guess it's endless for you." He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her softly, gently and she sighed into it. They made their way up the stairs and though it's a short walk it almost felt as if they were traveling into the unknown. And they were, in a way. They closed the door behind them and met again as friends, as husband and wife, as the lovers they once were. It was excitingly new and comforting familiar all at once. He was slow and gentle and she reassured him every step of the way until they were so caught up in the throes of passion they didn't need reassurances nor had room for second guesses. They were of one mind and one body more than they had ever been before.

They spent the rest of the night, exploring, touching, feeling and kissing every inch of each other, between long rests with their breath mingling as they couldn't bear to not be completely wrapped in each other's arms. They laughed together like they hadn't in ages, and even the tears that were shed fell against cheeks and lips turned upwards in loving smiles. In that one glorious night of rediscovery and pure love she found the parts of herself she thought had been lost forever. Not every piece might be found, but she had found the parts of herself that were him and the parts that made them whole together. But, more importantly she found the pieces that made herself and herself alone whole again. No longer broken and no longer lost. She found that woman she was meant to be. Mended, with cracks and flaws that might never fade, but mended nonetheless by love.


	21. It was written

**A/N: This is a response to _Terriejane's_** **Weekend challenge: Suppose Anna and Bates didn't meet at Downton. Suppose they weren't headed there at all. They meet on a train headed to London on April 15th 1912, days after the sinking of the Titanic. **

**Enjoy! And Review if you liked it, or even if you didn't, just be gentle :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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She had barely made the train before it left the station and as a result she was afraid she would never find an empty seat. The train had already began to pull away as she was making her way down the narrow corridor looking for a car with just a bit of room for her petite frame. Finally she came upon a cabin with just one man sitting in it. As she reached for the door to ask if she might take a seat, the train lurched forward causing her to pull the door open with too much force sending her feet out from under her. She closed her eyes and tensed up in preparation for impact with the floor. The impact, however, never came. Instead she found herself in two very strong arms which practically lifted her off the ground as if she was no more than a feather to place her upright again. His hands were still on her ribs when she finally looked into the face of her savior. He had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. She couldn't even place the shade of green they were; they were like nothing else and her breath caught in her throat, which only proceeded to send her off kilter again and she stumbled over her own feet as she attempted to take a step. His grip only became tighter around her ensuring she didn't fall, again.

"Oh, I…I'm ever so sorry to disturb you so entirely!" the words rushed out of her in a jumble as the heat from his hands radiated through her.

"It's quite alright," his voice was like silk and the smile he offered her set endearing crinkles against his eyes. His hands had left her by now seeing that she could stand on her own. "Are you alright Miss?"

'What is this I'm feeling?' She wondered as she felt a shiver run through her, she could still feel his hands on her sides. She was so lost in her exhilarating confusion she only realized that he had spoken by the look on his face which told her he was waiting for an answer. She blushed furiously, what a spectacle she was making of herself! He was smiling at her adorably and it did nothing to help her gather herself.

"Oh, I'm sorry; I seem to not quite have my wits about me. What did you say, Mr.?" He chuckled at her mirrored question and motioned for her to take a seat as he answered.

"Hello, I'm John Bates." He reached his hand out for her to shake and she eagerly took the opportunity to touch him again though she felt utterly foolish at the notion.

"Anna Smith. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance Mr. Bates. And thank you ever so much for saving me from quite a fall. Really, you must think I'm such a fool." She had lowered her head in bashful resignation but was drawn back to those eyes and was relieved (thankful even?) to see the smile hadn't left his face.

"There's nothing to thank me for, I couldn't let such a lovely lady take a tumble."

"Oh, I'm no lady…" her voice was a whisper against his flattery.

"I would beg the differ." The lilt in his voice sent butterflies flying in the pit of her stomach. Their gazes locked for a moment, before another lurch in the tracks broke the spell. They each settled back into their seats across from each other. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath trying to calm her nerves. She shook her head slightly admonishing herself for her foolish behavior and for the butterflies that had yet to settle. She didn't know this man; there was something about him yes, something that made her insides beg to get to know better, but they were merely strangers on a train. That's all they would ever be she reminded herself with a slight feeling of deflation.

"Did you hear the news today?" He held up the folded newspaper on the seat next to him. She shook her head. "The Titanic, it sank." There was an emotion in his voice she couldn't place. It wasn't one of shock as such she was feeling at the news of such a tragedy, it seemed more sad with a touch of bewilderment. He was looking out the window, but even from across the cabin she could tell he wasn't actually seeing the passing countryside. "I can't believe it." He continued, still sounding far away. "So many hopes and dreams were aboard that ship…" his voice trailed off and she suddenly felt the need to cross the cabin and comfort him.

"I can't believe it either. It was supposed to be unsinkable! And yes, all those people. What a tragedy." When she saw a cringe take over his features she made a disheartening connection. "Oh no. My god. Did you…know someone on the ship?" Her voice was full of fear and heartbreak. He looked at her suddenly and was quick to smile at the concern he saw there.

"No, thankfully. I nearly did, though. I…um…I was supposed to have been on that ship." It was the first time he had said this out loud and the close call of his fate came out in huff of disbelief. Her jaw nearly fell to the floor. "I know. I don't think it's quite sunk in yet…oh terrible choice of wording…" they both chuckled in a bout of nerves and relief.

"Well, thank goodness you changed your plans! Or else I might have taken quite a fall on this train if you hadn't been here to catch me!" Her brilliant smile took her face and he inhaled sharply at the sight of it before joining in the beautiful melody of her laugh. He studied her for a moment during their shared laughter and immediately took notice of how blue her eyes were and how they seemed to sparkle more than the North Star. She was simply the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He found himself feeling more grateful for the twist of fate that had not only probably saved his life but had brought this woman into it, if only for this train ride.

"So what marvelous event saved you? Why are you on a train to London and thankfully not…" He was quick to answer to save her from finishing an awkward question.

"Actually, my uncle passed away…"

"Oh I'm so sorry! Marvelous event… Lord, Anna Smith could you embarrass yourself any more today?!" She huffed out loud. "I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to be so insensitive." She had leaned towards him as she spoke and when her hand flailed forward as she attempted to apologize he caught it in his large one completely enveloping it. It was so warm and when he squeezed it gently, comfortingly, she sighed. It was a quick touch, but she felt it long after.

"It's quite alright, you weren't to know. He was my mother's brother but I barely remember him. He never left London and I never went there. He owned a pub and having no other family he left the business to me in his will. I couldn't believe it. I wasn't really set on going to America, I just needed a change so I thought why not. But then about a month ago the solicitor showed up with the news and I sold my ticket for the Titanic the next day. Between that and the money from selling my mother's house I should have enough to really turn the place into something. It's mainly a pub but it has a few rooms that he would rent out. I'd love to turn it into small inn. It's been a dream of mine for a while, owning such a business. Running it with my family…" His eyes had a gained a certain gleam to them and it made him look young, almost boyish being so full of hope.

"It sounds like a wonderful dream. I'm so happy it's coming true for you and your family." She hoped he wouldn't hear how the latter part of the statement was really a question in search of an answer. She was enamored with the man already, she knew it. And she wouldn't lie to herself by pretending she was hoping he wasn't married.

"Oh I don't have any family…just another part of the dream I guess…" He smiled warmly at her and she returned it with a small nod of her head. The look of understanding in her face told him that family was still something she seemed to be dreaming of; simply put she wasn't married. He tried to keep his smile from growing wider.

They rode for a while in silence before a tentative start to an altogether engrossing conversation coasted them through the rest of the journey. By the time they had arrived in London, both knew that they didn't want to say goodbye, maybe ever again. They were drawn to each other and the prospect of parting made them walk slower through the station drawing out these last precious few moments as long as possible. As they approached the sidewalk coming out of the tunnel of the station they turned to each other, not knowing what to say; and not wanting to say the word that was hanging over them like a large storm cloud on an otherwise beautiful day.

"Well Mr. Bates, I wish you the best of luck on your new endeavor. And I'm ever so thankful about the twist of fate that brought you to London today instead of…" She made sure to catch his eyes and stare straight into them. She meant every word she said and she wanted him to know it, not caring at all at this moment what might be considered appropriate. He reached for her hand again and she met his quickly and with fervor. His left hand came up to cover hers and he matched her intent gaze, not blinking, not wanting to miss a single moment of this time with her. He wanted to take every second he could to memorize this face, this perfect woman.

"So am I, Miss Smith…I never knew how much until the most beautiful thing I had ever seen stumbled into my train cabin." He brought her hand up to his lips for a gentle press. He couldn't help himself and he didn't want to stop. Tears sprang to her eyes and the noise and the people surrounding them simply vanished. This moment was for them and them only. Her eyes traveled from his eyes down his strong cheek bones and settled on his lips which looked so enticing. She could almost feel them on hers through the sheer level of wanting she felt. She had no way of knowing, although she could feel it, that he found himself wracked with the same feelings. His heart was pounding and he had to tear his eyes away from her soft pink lips before he succumbed to the desire to press his lips to hers. His gaze finally settled on their entwined hands and he realized how perfectly they fit; almost as if they were melded to each other and her tiny hand was created to hold his. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in preparation for stopping this heavenly touch. He was touched to see the flash of disappointment on her face as their hands parted.

"Let me get you a taxi." He offered as he turned from her. He nearly had to if only to catch his breath, which did not seem to want to come easy in her presence. He cleared his throat. "Where are you headed?" He was dumbfounded when she said the same neighborhood that his new life was set to begin in.

"So am I, Anna…so am I…" Her Christian name fell from his lips like a soft prayer and their sighs of relief came in unison. They were going to be neighbors at least, though there was no doubt this was written in the stars and they were already so much more. It was written. It was destiny.

He held the door of the taxi open for her and as she moved to climb in she purposefully stepped closer to him than need be, leaning her face up towards his stopping but a breath away;

"Thank God." She said in a hushed tone as intense emotion filled her warmly.

"Yes…and you." His tone gave him away. He spoke with love.


	22. Misbehaving

_**A/N:** **spoiler for S5 ep4 nothing major just a little fluffy spoiler. **I just had the need to write this after the adorable *smack* of a kiss they shared on Sunday. And someone (sorry can't remember who) added they needed to have a make-out sesh with Lady Mary interrupting it on a series of caps of the scene… Too adorable. So here's to pretending they didn't start in with the mood killing Green talk. Upstairs shenanigans ensue… ;)_

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She glanced up when a knock came on the door and when she saw the smile of her husband as he strode into the room her breath was taken. It had only been one night but even a minute without him felt a year to her. Their faces held those grand smiles that reached to their eyes, gleaming in a way that was only for each other. His walk towards her demanded her full attention while making her go weak in the knees.

"I wondered if you wanted a hand." There was more cheek than earnest in his voice betraying his true reason for seeking her out in Lady Mary's room, of all places. The knowledge that he just couldn't wait to see her made her blush and stifle a laugh. But trying not to let on how she wanted to be near him just as much as he wanted her presence she tried to maintain a proper tone to her voice. "Almost done. You can put the cases away though if you don't mind," she had managed but her smile betrayed her.

He was upon her then, reaching for to put a strong arm about her shoulders and she drew into him. His touch was electric and sent a shiver to her breast. He leaned down and she rose to meet his lips. With a loud smack he pulled his lips away from hers all too soon. She knew where they were and that if Carson had seen even that most innocent of kisses he would have probably fainted dead away, let alone the sultry thoughts she was about to act on. But she didn't care, not one bit. She had spent the night out of his arms and needed them around her now. As he made to turn away her hand, which had been hanging down by his side, caught the edge of his suit coat and she pulled him towards her.

"Anna…" he said warningly but with a mischievous smile on his face. "We're in Lady Mary's bedroom." "I know and I don't care. I hate being apart from you, no matter how short the time. And I do not think, Mr. Bates, that was nearly enough of a 'welcome back.'" He had no time to protest before her lips crashed upon his and her hands had found their way under his suit coat and came to rest massaging low on his back. He groaned at her need for him and made an extremely feeble attempt to warn her off again in the form of nips and whispers against her neck. His hands were grasping high on her ribs, his thumbs feeling the underside of her breasts. As her mouth found his again their bodies turned sharply and their feet tangled causing him to lose his footing and fall heavily on the bed. Shoes, tissue paper and shoe bags went flying off scattering on the floor.

Their lips met once again catching the laughter that threatened to fill the room. She placed a knee on the bed between his legs to leverage herself against him deepening the kiss, her hands snaking around his neck and into his hair. She knew they had to stop, this was quickly getting out of control, but he just tasted so damn good and his moans were doing nothing but flaming the growing fire between them. She pulled away from him slightly, resting her hands on his shoulders and sighed lustfully at his disheveled appearance.

"Now that was a welcome, Mr. Bates. Wouldn't you say so?" she purred. He could only offer her a heavy lidded smile. "Alright then, you've got to get out of here before I forget myself completely." "You are quite the minx, Mrs. Bates. How am I supposed to go about the evening in the state you've left me in?" They both glanced down and erupted into a fit of giggles. "We'll figure out a solution together…later. Now kiss me again before I send you on your way." He didn't need to be asked twice and complied instantly. Their tongues met hurriedly and graciously.

"Anna? Anna, I was wondering if…" Lady Mary's voice rang out from the hallway startling the couple. Anna was so surprised she brought her knee up too quickly and effectively kneed her husband in the groin. Bates promptly fell to the floor with a loud thud and a groan as Lady Mary appeared in the room. Anna went rigid at the sight of her employer and turned a furious shade of red. Her mouth hung open and her eyes were as wide as saucers. Mary was speechless but a smile crept up on her face.

"Got it!" Bates exclaimed as the tried to steel himself against the pain and stood quickly as he could, wrenching his bad knee just a bit. He held up a shoe and a fistful of tissue paper trying to make it seem like he'd been gathering the objects off the floor. He held them in front of him when he gave Lady Mary a bow of the head as a greeting paired a small but cheeky smirk.

"I…I…um…he was…I mean…" Anna looked to her husband to rescue her but he had turned to his back to her pretending to fiddle with the shoe and paper like he was wrapping it back up. She knew he was smiling and fighting a fit of laughter even with his back to her. She wanted nothing more than to smack him square in the face right then. Anna took deep breath to regain control of herself before starting again. "He…Mr. Bates, that is…I asked him to help with the cases." The words came out in an awkward and rushed squeak.

"Yes, I can see how helpful he was being," Lady Mary smirked as she crossed to the room to her vanity, never quite taking her eyes of the couple. Bates took this as his moment and made to quickly grab the cases and exit. She hit his arm as he stood close enough and shot daggers at him with her now stormy blue eyes. He just shrugged and pretended to not know why she was upset; his boyish pout making her smile at him completely despite her resolve to be furious with him. He glanced over to where Lady Mary was pretending to busy herself and when he thought she wasn't looking he leaned to his wife whispering:

"Don't worry, I expect to be fully punished for this later tonight…" He gave her bottom a light swat before grabbing the cases. The suggestion and the heat of his breath made her tingle as she watched him, not walk, but strut out of the room cases in hand. Unbeknownst to them both Lady Mary had seen the whole thing and was struck by a sense of surprise first which was quickly over taken by a strong feeling of happiness for her maid, her friend. She never knew they had such an adorable side to them. They truly brought out the best in each other.

Anna turned with her head hung in shame to face her employer. "Oh m'lady, I'm so…" Lady Mary reprieved her with a reassuring pat on the arm.

"So much for that practice in controlling yourselves." The lady said with a chuckle. "If it was anyone else but you two…" She gave Anna a last smirk of a smile before leaving the room.

Anna stood there simply dumbfounded. She was embarrassed and yet still heated by the moment. As she finished stowing away the rest of Lady Mary's things she let her mind wander. She was quickly coming up with many _many_ ways to indeed punish and hopefully torture her devilish husband later tonight, alone in their cottage.


	23. A magic trick and a chore

_My response to __terriejane__'s totally adorable mid week prompt: Bates just loves Anna's hair and helps her with those amazing 'dos' in the morning. Seriously, such a cute idea and I had a lot of fun writing it. Hope you have a bit of fun reading as well. :) _

She had known since their wedding night that he was completely enamored with her hair. She had never seen such reverence in his gaze more than that first night they spent together when her hands reached to pull the pins out from her hair. She could hear his breath hitch when her locks fell about her shoulders. He had approached her then, wordlessly, slowly; reaching for her he placed a strong but so gentle hand on her cheek caressing before trailing down to her neck. She could still remember the way her own breath had caught feeling his hand glide to the back of her neck and how adorable he had been, boyish even, when he paused just touching her hair line with his fingertips looking into her eyes asking for permission to go on. Permission granted with a smile and a kiss. A kiss that deepened intensely when she first felt his hands combing through. He seemed intent on feeling every strand, starting at her scalp massaging before intertwining his fingers pulling ever so slightly in a way that had sent lightening to her most secret of areas. She had never been touched so intimately or with such care and tenderness before that moment. Oh, but since then, she had been. Every opportunity, every moment they had was seized. Yet it would never be enough. She could never get enough of him.

After their torturous time apart had ended he insisted on taking her hair down every night. He told her how often he had dreamt of the feeling of silk upon his hands and how it had looked cascading like an ocean of gold around her that night; how beautiful she had looked like that. She blushed remembering how often his hands had seemed to gravitate towards her hair that night; with nearly every kiss during. Then in the blissful aftermath how he had spent the whole night touching her hair in someway.

After they had finally gotten their cottage and their life was truly able to begin, they settled into their domestic routine. He had made sure from that first night that she knew taking her hair down was a "chore" he wanted to do every night, one that he would never shirk. And he never did. He wanted to see her locks loose and flowing whenever possible. Even during their shared time off, if he caught her putting her hair up and they had no plans to leave the cottage he would catch her hands in his placing kisses in her palms while giving her a look that said, 'no my dear, you know better than that.' And she would respond with a roll of the eyes and a loving smile that called him a 'silly beggar' without her even needing to open her mouth.

In the mornings as they would get ready for the day at the Abbey, he would sit and watch her skillfully twist and pull and pin her hair until every strand was impeccably held back. It took her a while to get used to this scrutiny, but she laughed at how his face was always full of fascination and wonder. He had told her it was like watching some sort of magic trick. How one minute the locks, which fell so long down her back, were wild and loose and then with a few skilled moves of her hands they were gone! Abracadabra! Poof!

After several months of watching her perform this "magic trick" every morning, he approached her taking the brush from her hand and running it through for her. After he had finished and set the brush back down she grabbed his hand and gave it a kiss, "Thank you love, that was a pleasant gesture." She reached back to grab the first bunch to be twisted into her working bun, but he stopped her. "Mr. Bates, you know we have to go to work, I have to put my hair up."

"No, I know. I was just…will you show me how?" He was so sheepish in his asking it melted her heart, even if she wasn't entirely sure she understood what he was asking.

"You want to learn how I manage my hair?" She asked quite full of puzzlement.

"Well, yes. It's quite the skill, Mrs. Bates." He pulled her up from her seat, holding her back to his front resting his chin on the top of her head, his hands on her ribs. "And as you might have already discovered I'm quite fascinated by this head of hair, not to mention every single bit that comes beneath it." He pressed his lips to her hair then as his hands skimmed down her sides coming to rest high on the front of her thighs. She sighed into his embrace pressing back against him as much as she could. "So will you show me? Please, Anna. Besides, when we have a couple girls of our own I should have some idea how to manage their mops, don't you think?"

The image of John tending to the hair of the curly headed babes she envisioned for them filled her with an overwhelming sense of love. She turned reaching her hand around his neck pulling him in for a tender kiss full of love and dreams for their future family. "How can I say no to that? Come on you." She took him by the hand as she sat back down at the small vanity. "Now first…" She held his hand to guide him through the process of every twist and tuck and pin. He was so gentle and moving ever so slowing making sure he wasn't pulling too tight, although he did poke her quite sharply the first time he went to put a pin in. He apologized profusely kissing her head all the while. She just laughed at him. When all was said and done he had actually done quite an excellent job.

"Nicely, done Mr. Bates. If his lordship ever tires of you I'll be sure to recommend you highly as a lady's maid for Lady Edith!" Their laughter rang out in unison, as he swatted her behind for her cheek as they left their bedroom and headed to work. As the day passed she noticed him more than once studying her as if to see if his hard work was holding up against the rigors of the day. Back home that night, she was surprised when he didn't immediately remove her hair pins after helping her off with her hat and coat. She gave him a rather confused look as she stood waiting for him to do so as if he had forgotten.

"What? And ruin my handy work from this morning?" He held her chin in his hand turning her head from side to side in admiration, both of her beauty and his job well done. "It held up quite well, if I do say so. I'm quite proud." He smiled at her grandly, eyes crinkling and twinkling.

"You should be." Her eyes darkened when she met his, "but John, don't you remember what tends to also come down after my hair?" He stood back smiling mischievously as he watched her begin to unbutton her black maid's dress.

They awoke the next morning bodies still entwined. As they begrudgingly left each others arms and started their day, words weren't necessary as he took the brush from her hands. He brushed it out gently, then with light and tender hands began pulling it back, tucking and pinning per her instructions the previous morning. And thusly, a new daily domesticity was born, each relishing the time and the touches more and more with each passing day.


	24. Feels like home

_**A/N: **This was my response to Terrie's weekend challenge to put Anna and Bates in a movie scene. I picked the following scene from the movie Michael. Enjoy! And throw a review my way. I smile for days after reviews :)_

_I don't own..._

* * *

John Bates was completely entranced. Her dulcet tones slipped from her lips with ease and her voice was magic zoning in straight to his heart. Her words were a mixture of mirth and forlorn, made even more powerful knowing that she had written them herself. As Anna Smith finished her song of loves lost the crowd in the small but packed restaurant cheered for her but she only could see him. As the beautiful blonde stepped off the small stage he stood awaiting her return back to the table that had become suddenly far too crowded. Without speaking, he handed her her coat and as their eyes met they knew this was their moment to take alone, away from the others in their small party.

Without words and without being able to even acknowledge the others enough to offer their excuses for leaving the two walked out the door. Idle nervous chatter carried them along the porch reaching to the stretch of motel rooms attached to the restaurant they had just vacated. The air was thick around them though they were thoroughly warmed just by each other's presence in the brisk autumn night. The walk wasn't nearly long enough before they reached his room. Neither wanted to part, it was obvious, and they stalled in saying goodnight and goodbye. He asked where her room was and made her point out it's exact location and he noted it was directly above his room, which made them both chuckle though the fact wasn't very amusing, the air was just so full of electricity they couldn't think straight.

He walked her the next few paces to the stairs she would ascend to her room, causing this moment to come to an end though neither wanted such a thing to happen. His voice came thick and low from deep within him;

"You were great. So amazing, Anna. You're amazing." She could only smile at him. She had long thought her heart was ice just as he thought his was stone. But in the smiles that came, never like any they had offered before, her heart warmed and his softened; for neither had felt like this before. She took the first step or two upwards putting her at a height advantage over him for once and he took her hand in what should have been a friendly shake. But he had simply held it, tracing his thumb over her soft skin. Her small hand melded to his and they felt they had held each other always.

He leaned up and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek his hand sliding to her back as hers did the same. As they parted their hands found their way back together again fingers entwining. She turned to him and kissed him quickly and so softly on the lips and when she pulled away and saw his head still turned and eyes still closed she felt compelled to place her lips against his again. And she did. It was deeper this time though still short and chaste, beautiful. She took another step up but their hands, which refused to separate, seemed to be saying what they couldn't yet admit; so she kissed him again. Then he kissed her, then who's turn it was was lost. Every time their kisses growing deeper and longer. At one point, when their lips parted by need of air he leaned into her neck and sighed deeply against her overcome by her and all he was feeling.

"What…" he cleared his throat. His words were coming out gravel laden and full of passion for this woman that had come into his life so unexpectedly and being the last thing he was looking for but encompassing everything he had ever dreamt to find. "Um...what are you doing tonight?"

It was a foolish and not at all suave thing to say but her reply couldn't have come quicker.

"Not much…" Her tone almost sounding grateful he had said anything at all and very much accepting of the invitation implied. She grazed his knuckles with her thumb and marveled at how strong and warm his hand was.

"Want to come to my room?" The question came quietly but quite frankly and full of honest hope.

"Why don't you come to mine?" They nodded in unison and took the next few steps in rushed pace before stopping and grasping for each other, arms thrown around the other holding tight. He took her bottom lip between his and beckoned entry from her which she granted eagerly. They parted and raced up the next few stairs only fall against the wall outside her room, hands roaming bodies, fingers lacing through hair, tongues dancing languidly. They took the final few steps to her room lips never parting, feet merely shuffling towards their destination.

When she took a moment to breathe and key open the door she kissed him quickly. But before they took this final step, from which there was no return, she stopped him as she placed her hands on his chest feeling his heart beating soundly. She knew it was for her and she wanted him so terribly but she had to be honest with him...

"I have to tell you something…"

"I know…"

"I'm not…"

"Ever falling in love with anyone again. I know." He kissed her then, the statement falling upon deaf ears as they both knew it was too late. They had already fallen. And this kiss felt like home.


End file.
